What’s new?

David J

Absolutely nothing!  I mentioned on another post that I was on Video chat with my brothers last night. I have four brothers, all retired and pursuing the heir retirement dreams. One lives on a lake in TN, one has 100+ acres of land and had horses in upstate NY.  Another is pursuing his photography hobby in Chicago, and the last has an outdoor life in WI. I have a wife with Alzheimer’s. 

Brothers all talked about what they were doing, what they hoped to do, and where they hoped to travel. I had nothing to say, because I am still in a holding pattern. I can’t get any time to pursue nterexts, heck I can’t even hey time to keep things up. I know this is the hand I was dealt and I have to play it, but it stinks. 

I also know that others on this forum have it as bad or worse than I do, and I shouldn’t complain. I know things could be worse. That doesn’t help when I am up to my ears in DW’s care, frustrated, tired, and wondering when it will all end, and fearing that too. 

Thank you all for being here, showing the way, and sharing your compassion. 

Pity party over. 

Dave

Ed1937

No doubt this is a rough job. And it can get to you when you see other people having a good time, and deciding on their futures. The best we can do is to keep one foot in front of the other, and hope for better days.

jfkoc

Pity parties always accepted here!

abc123

It truly sucks. I'm sorry.

CStrope

@David J, hardly a pity party....we've all been there.  Heck, I don't even want to talk to most of my siblings or friends because I don't want to hear about their vacations, or plans, or wonderful grandchildren.  I'm working from home 9-10 hours a day, then taking care of everything around the house, dinner, etc. DH thinks that he should do easy word searches and the same 35 piece puzzle all day, every day, so he accomplishes nothing.  

He obsesses on what he thinks he needs to do every day, and has no interest in leaving the house to do anything else.  He is still in the fairly early stages, so there is no reason we couldn't still enjoy life.

So don't feel bad about a little bit of bitterness, I get it.  I think we all get it!

Jeff86

Dave,

Thanks for sharing your tale of sorrow.  There’s no shame, as a devoted caregiver which you clearly are, in every now and then giving in to feelings of regret and missing out.  Virtually all of us would rather be doing something else than caregiving; we do it out of necessity and out of love, not out of choice.  But there are times when it is so unrewarding, repetitive, downward sloping, that it is hard not to resent finding oneself in the role.

You simply gave voice to what many of us experience as caregivers.  An uncertain but unpromising future.  A desperate effort to keep our heads above water.   A weight on our shoulders that, impossibly, gets heavier every day.

I am glad you felt able to express those feelings.  You are hardly alone with them! 

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Crushed

Ok Down the family
Older Brother Just out of Hospital with non Covid infections.
Oldest sister has cancer , husband has cancer

Next sister Is disabled from Arthritis Husband has diabetes and dementia 

Then there is me

Younger brother is immune compromised due to medical therapy 

Youngest sister Had both knees replaced Husband has FTD
 
I am having a Zoom birthday since all are housebound 

All family discussions are about Medicare

Oh well

ElaineD

Thank you for sharing,  David, and all of you! 

If 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' we are all super heroes by now.

What you shared here gives me hope, moves me to tears, and supports me through each day.

Elaine

Lills

I love Elaine's response.  It's so true.  I couldn't have imagined this life right now or imagined that I could do it.  I've grown up, I guess.

I'm 69.  DH has had FTD/ALS for about 10+ years.  He is 70. 

Crushed:  DH is one of 8 children. FOUR have the FTD/ALS gene and are all in mid to late- stage FTD/ALS.  The oldest has Parkinson's.  

Life....