Unsure what to do about phone/texting

pkers4412

Hi All! My father-in-law was recently diagnosed with dementia. My husband and I had to urge his mother to make the appointments to begin with, so it was a struggle to get him tested and have the diagnosis confirmed. She was resistant to getting him help and providing care for him and herself, so we took him in around Christmastime. After a series of escalating mental health events, we had to make the decision this week to put my mother-in-law in assisted living. 

He still has an iPhone with call, text, and internet access. He has a tendency to forget where his wife is and continually texts and calls her phone. We discuss with him daily where she is and that she’s getting care, but can’t always answer the phone. Despite this, he still calls and texts. Often, he thinks she’s answering and gets confused about it (he forgets that HE’s the one who texted). Lately, he’s been texting her about leaving for warmer weather in Florida (he has no car and cannot remember how to book a plane ticket). My concern with this is the fact that his wife does have her phone and she can text him back. In the past, she has tried to persuade him to go back to their home together and questions whether he needs to live with us. This disorients him and I worry that he could wander off in an effort to go get her out of the assisted living. She is still mentally sharp, but cannot care for him or herself due to mental instability.

Would it be wrong to block her number? Or downgrade the phone? I’m not sure what to do because I feel awful keeping them apart, but I worry what can potentially happen as he gets more confused by calling and texting.

Quilting brings calm

Just a question ...  can he go live with her in assisted living? Or is her instability such that that would be inappropriate?  My parents  are in assisted living together.  Mom has mild dementia, Dad is just elderly and incapable of living alone.

pkers4412

Right now, she’s so unstable we can’t have them together. Her medical team also determined that she cannot live by herself or with us because of the medication management required for her.

Quilting brings calm

Can you put the phone in airplane mode? Or  in do not disturb mode?   Then when he tries to use it say that it must have a bug, or needs charged?  Or pick the phone up when he puts it down and place it in an obscure place for a few hours a day?   Maybe tell him she can only look at her phone between the hours of x and x daily due to treatment needs and that the staff only wants calls/texts placed during those hours?

pkers4412

Ah I could try putting it in Do Not Disturb mode. I don’t want to cut off the internet/WiFi access with airplane mode because he does like to read his news apps throughout the day. 

We’ve tried to tell him she can’t always answer her phone and reassured him that she’s not at their house, but he seems to forget from day to day. It’s hard to watch him struggle to grasp the concept. 

LaurenB

I like the idea of the do not disturb mode.  That way you can assist him with answering the texts as they are appropriate.

Lauren