Hello New to forum

ranmore

hello all. New to the forum. I am searching for resources and support.

My Father (86) has Alzheimer's. Noticed a decline about 3 years ago. Got a diagnosis about 18 months ago.  He has been pretty self sufficient up to last summer when I had to move in to be more pro active and help him. I am now a live-in caregiver and it is way tougher and more frustrating that I ever imagined.

These last few months have been rough as I observe the decline daily. He seems to be declining a bit more rapidly lately.

We've had to stop him from driving. He got lost last summer once. Driving has been a huge issue, he will not give it up and still wants to drive. had to take the keys away.

He wont drink water and we are battling constipation issues.

I watched him struggle with cooking a microwave meal or try to make pancakes. I have to do all the cooking now.

He got scammed over the phone and lost a bunch of money. Scammers call all the time, we have changed our phone number and block alot of calls, but I am affaird that he will fall for another scam. I have contemplated removing the phone or turning it off, but what if he needs to call 9-11?  I still work and am gone 5-6 hours a day.

We (my sister and me) are looking into have someone come in during the day while I am at work to make him lunch. I am scared that he will start a fire trying to make food. I feel that sooner than later we might be getting close to finding a nursing home for him. I would like to keep him at home for as long as possible given the Covid crisis. 

Anyway, that is my introduction and rant.  This job is exhausting, I plan on reducing my work hours to 20 or less a week to be home more. Eventually I will have to stop working to take care of him. I fear that may be by this years end.

Thanks for listening

Randall

abc123

Hi Randall, welcome. Glad you found us. You are wise to be concerned about your Dad being scammed again. Take every precaution possible. You mentioned him calling 911 in an emergency. There is a good chance he wouldn't have the presence of mind to do so. Others will come along and offer good suggestions and advice. Please think hard before giving up the hours at work. Will you be able to easily re-enter the work place? Just something to think about. I'm sorry about your Dad. This disease sucks. I hate it.

sandwichone123

Hi Randall,

Do you or your sister have power of attorney for him? The first thing that strikes me is that you need to take away banking access, or at least move his money to another account so he has access to only a couple of hundred dollars, before something worse happens.

Can you make a lunch for him before you go to work? Like a sack lunch, that doesn't need heating up?

Has he had a COVID vaccine? If not, have you signed him up on the list?

M1

Welcome Randall. It doesn't sound like he's safe to be left alone while you're working, have you considered looking into adult daycare ? Or if not available, you may need to hire a caregiver to cover your work hours. It just sounds like he needs more than lunch.

Good luck, none of this is easy.

MN Chickadee

Hi Randall, welcome. I agree with others I would not leave him alone now. The safety issues in the kitchen are no small matter. Fires, putting metal in the microwave, and eventually wandering off are things that can't be taken lightly. We personally found adult daycare to be wonderful and allowed us to keep my mom at home years longer than otherwise would have been possible. She got out of the house during the day for activities and socialization that was at her level. It tends to be more affordable as well, and in some states Medicaid will pay for it if the person qualifies. Having a companion come in while you are at work is another option. Your local chapter of the Alzhiemers Association or your county's agency on aging may be able to connect you with resources in your area. 

On the COVID front, most states are doing long term care first so elders in facilities are currently or have been vaccinated and he would probably receive on upon moving in if needed. My state of MN is also including adult daycares in the first priority group which will help a lot of families out. 

With driving, it is often best to go for the out of sight out of mind idea. Get rid of his car so he isn't reminded he wants to drive it. Send it in for "repairs" and that mechanic is taking an awfully long time, waiting on a part. Eventually he will forget. Or disable the car so even if he tries to start it he can't. For the phone, I assume you are talking about a landline and not a cell phone? If it's a cell phone put it in do not disturb mode so it won't ring when a scammer calls. You can add numbers it will still allow. If landline could you get a phone where you can turn the ringer off so he can't hear it to answer? Have it go to a voicemail only you have the pin number for. Then anyone could still call out if needed. You can also add services to most landline plans that block all incoming calls unless they are "white listed" meaning numbers you approve, otherwise it goes to a voicemail. Contact your phone company.  I would do whatever it takes to protect his money, he will need it for his care. Get to an elder law attorney for POA financial planning, it is really important no matter you care for him at home or move him to a memory care facility. They can advise if he will qualify for Medicaid and many other details that will become important eventually. 

ranmore

So Yes to the POA. we did this right shortly after he got scammed and got the diagnosis. We are added to the bank accounts and have POA's for everything.  He cant remember his PIN to get money out. We canceled all his credit cards and closed all his old accounts and set up a new bank accout that we all control jointly.

We are arranging for someone he knows to come in 3 days a week to visit, and make lunch for him.  I tried the "bag lunch" for him, but he cant remember to eat it.

He wants to do things around the house to help.  It is tought because I have to redo everything he dose. Dishes are put away in the wrong place dirty, he mopped the floor with laundry soap that was way to thick and the floor was sticky, it is really frustrating. I have realized that I just let him do it, and the I redo it later.

thanks everyone for the suggestions.

KathyOnOBX

Hi ranmore! You are doing all the right things, it sounds like.  I, too, was worried that my mom would either get scammed financially or give all of her money to one of the religious organizations she so liked.  She didn't, thank goodness. Since you have cancelled all of your dad's credit cards and he can't access his bank account without the PIN he can't remember, why are you still worried he'll get scammed again?

Did you contact the police the last time he was scammed?  It's possible the money he gave them could be traced back to the place it was sent. A remote possibility but still... I'm sorry that happened.

Miralax is the wonder med to deal with constipation. It's odorless and tasteless so it can be added to any drink. Most folks need the amount indicated on the bottle daily.

Eventually it's likely your dad will need to go to a facility to get long-term memory care.  It's time to begin thinking about that and perhaps looking into it. No one ever wants to do that. Ever.  I wish you well.

Kathy

ranmore

Up date,  I recently found notes from a phone call about his credit cards. Luckly they are closed. But he could not remeber. The phone is terrifying me because he got scammed before.

I just found a feature on our phone system that allows me to set up "silent" blocks of time. He can still call out to friends or 911, but all incoming calls go directly to voicemail, no ring, no alerts. I now have to remember to check the VM when i get home.

One less thing to worry about now. We are now employing my sister and neice to come by everyday and spend a few hours making lunch for him and visiting.  It's not 24/7, but at least he is getting 3 meals and being checked on while I am at work.

thanks

randall

Arrowhead

If you haven't done so already, take away his credit cards and checkbook. It will make scamming him a lot harder. Take away his keys. Make up reasons why he can't drive. Hide or sell the car.