Mom doesn't recognize Dad

Battes

Hi, My mom sundowns, getting increasingly confused and agitated at night (wants to go home, thinks other people are there, etc).  The toughest issue is that she often does not recognize my dad.  They live together in their house. My brother and I are out of state, and often get frightened calls from either or both of them.   I understand that in general with AD, it is best to just go with the flow and try to calm the situation, but it's hard to tell someone not to worry about the intruder in her house.  If I were to play along fully, I'd tell her to call 911 immediately.  Any suggestions on what to do to deescalate the situation and help her feel safe with the strange man in the house?

star26

Some medication given in the afternoon might help. If she's already on medication, maybe she needs an adjustment to the dosing. Does she have a geriatric psychiatrist, or a good doctor experienced in dementia that your Dad can consult about this?  It might take some tinkering with meds and dosage to get it right so don't give up if the first try isn't successful.  Meanwhile, maybe you could tell your Mom that the intruder is actually a friend of yours that you sent over because Dad said he'd be home late? or something like that? She still wouldn't want him there, but maybe some fear would lessen?  If your Mom would be placated if "the stranger" was out of sight or sleeping in another room, your Dad might try that. As a precaution, since she's unpredictable in the evenings, have your Dad install slide locks high up on the exterior doors and keep anything that can be used as a weapon locked up.

LaurenB

What a tough situation to be in.  By any chance, does your mom recognize your dad's voice when she can't see him?  Some people with ALZ do.  If so, one approach might be for him to announce himself from out of her line of sight and engage in a conversation prior to entering the room.  It's a stretch, but it might help.  Obviously, calling 911 might not be the best plan of action, but you are right that it can be beneficial to play along with someone with dementia at times.  I can only imagine how scared she must feel to think that there is a strange man in her house.

Lauren