Seeking Help for Paranoia-No Diagnosis Yet

anw123

My situation with my 67 year-old mother has progressed very rapidly over the last few months. It started out about 4 months ago when my mother began accusing my father of cheating on her. In December, she began to send me "proof" that my dad was cheating, but it was never anything that made any sense or was actual proof of anything.

I currently live in California, while my parents are both in Michigan. I am an only child and so began calling more and checking-in on my parents. Things started to progress with more and more outreach from my mom about her accusations toward my dad so I decided to travel back home 2 weeks ago. During this time, my mother's own father began to decline and my mom was seemingly in denial about this and did not want him to move into hospice care, but eventually my aunt was able to convince her and he ended up passing away in hospice after 3 days. 

At the time, I thought it was the additional stress caused her dad's passing, but my mom's stories about my dad began to become more and more bizarre. She began by saying my dad and his sister were criminal masterminds and were stealing our social security numbers to get money. It then escalated to her saying my dad and his friends were going to kill her. I had returned to CA and began getting daily texts/calls from her that my dad was stealing things from her and tampering with the furnace to try and kill her, and that she was scared for herself and her dog. At this point, I was worried for both her and my dad's safety and returned back to MI to stay for a week. I thought that by getting my dad out of the house and into his own apartment, that it would help alleviate some of her stress and paranoia, but I was wrong. 

I stayed at her house for a week and that's when I began to see more and more signs and thinking that something else might be going on. She would have intense mood swings, yelling at my husband and I to the point where I was scared to be in the car with her. Pretty much every morning, she would tell me more and more "theories" that she had about my dad, including that he was gay and saying things like he will probably die of an STD. She also said that my husband and I "turned on her and chose my dad's side" and after her yelling at us, turned it to say that it was me and my husband who had yelled at her. Things would typically be bad in the mornings with a lot of random stories and accusations about my dad, but by the afternoon/night she acted much more like herself. 

I also began noticing other signs like she could not remember how things got into her car (that she asked me to put in there), can not keep her appointment times straight (has missed 4 apts. with her therapist), went to get cleaning products for a spot on the rug and came back 30 seconds later and went to the totally wrong side of the rug, she will think 20 minutes was  2 hours, she took notes during a conversation but then couldn't remember what her notes meant 10 minutes later. But she is able to cook/clean, take care of herself, and seemingly able to live by herself with no issue. 

At this point, I now believe this could be neurological problem vs. what I previously thought was a mental breakdown as I know she's been under stress and has not been sleeping. But I'm also very scared to bring anything up to her directly about my concerns because she already does not trust anyone and thinks we're all on my dad's side. She also told me this morning that she has hired a private investigator and says she is going to prove to me that she isn't the "crazy one." 

I'm lost as to how to get her examined by a doctor or neurologist or if this is dementia or something else. Would truly appreciate any advice or recommendations or to hear if anyone has experienced a similar situation.

terei

You need to get her evaluated physically as well as psychologically. If she willnot go to see a doctor,   Use any ruse that you can concoct to get her to a doctor to make sure it is not a physiological problem.  Tell her the therapist thinks she might have a vitamin deficiency that is affecting her...whatever. 

In the meantime, if you believe she is a threat to herself or others, if she gets out of control, do not hesitate to get EMTs to take her to an emergency room + get her transferred to a geriatric psych ward for evaluation(which would probably take 2-3 weeks) and proper medication to moderate her behaviors. It may be dementia or a combination of that plus other issues.  There are other conditions that present with paranoia. You mention a therapist.  They cannot give you any info on your mom, but you can certainly describe what you are observing + ask for guidance. 

Her behavior is not uncommon + it will not be surprising if she spirals out of control as you continue to ‘disbelieve’ her delusions.  It sounds as if she still has enough cognition to fight your attempts to help her.  When this is the case, you sometimes have to wait for a crisis to have her taken to a facility (ER).  There is a help line here that may be able to advise you.  Good luck

M1

Hi anw and welcome.  Does your dad recognize the bizarre nature of what's going on?  Many times spouses try to "cover" for the one who is developing dementia.  This may have been brewing longer than you realize, and may well be more advanced than you realize--that's not uncommon at all.  Agree with what's already been said about needing to get her evaluated quickly, many use an "insurance requirement" as a ruse, or someone else suggested today to tell her it's needed for "marriage counselling" since she's paranoid about your dad (that's not unusual, either).

You also need to find out if your dad has power of attorney--general and healthcare--for her.  If not, both of you need to consult an attorney sooner rather than later, as she may not be in a position to make decisions for herself.  Sorry to bring it up, but you probably also ought to be assessing your dad's capabilities, and thinking about where they can live in the future:  it may need to be much closer to you.  Caregiving from a distance is difficult.  But:  one step at a time.

The Alzheimer's help line is 1-800-272-3900.  Definitely worth a call, you have a lot of decisions to make.  Much good informaiton and many good people on this website.  Good luck.

anw123

Thank you both so much for your responses! I am going to try contacting both her family doctor and therapist with my concerns and will definitely call the helpline! I also am in close contact with my mom's sister who lives in the same state and is seeing my mom often as they work through my grandpa's assets. My mom is also distrustful of my aunt and makes comments about her stealing assets, but does share some information with her. 

My dad does not have POA and my mom and dad actually both went to see lawyers about a divorce. My dad definitely seems in denial and I don't think fully grasps that this behavior is out of her control. But I also know that my mom has not shared a lot of her "theories" about my dad with him aside from him cheating on her and also hiding some of her things. 

My dad says that he is willing to help support her how he can, but also feels that he is the least able to help because of her strong paranoia and distrust of him. I think he's honestly scared of her and has lost about 20 lbs. over the last few months due to the stress. 

abc123

I'm sorry your Mom is having such a terrible time. I agree with M1 that this has probably been going on for a long time. I think your Dad should stay away from her for now. You and he should see an elder care attorney. They specialize in helping cases like this. Good luck to you.