Restraining order on my severe cognitively impaired husband

Nowhere

My husband’s memory care facility threw him under the bus, I believe, in order to evict him. I was in the process of asking for a hearing to overturn their thirty day eviction notice. They allowed his friend to spend nights in his single twin room without adequate oversight. They concocted a scenario, violated his HIPPA, and the daughter of his friend petitioned the judge with many lies and omissions. The facility never shared the letter I’d written to the family, or allowed me to meet with them. I believe the family was uninformed that their mom was freely spending nights in his room. I received a call telling me I needed to come and pick him up within the hour or the sheriff would take him away in handcuffs. I was out of town, but I couldn’t have taken him regardless. The sheriff transporting him to the hospital called afterwards to say what a gentle man my husband was as he was comforting others during the ordeal. No handcuffs were needed. The state ombudsman says it’s unprecedented for a memory care resident to be removed from a memory care facility by another. Further, APS called to tell me they are investigating with my husband as the victim. An attorney will overturn the restraining order, but there is zero way I’d let him return. Lesson learned: If someone tells you he or she can’t care for your loved one, believe it. His old facility was new, didn’t offer activities seven days a week or have the night staff required. The director was in over his head. My husband’s been in the hospital two weeks, and, finally, is headed to a more experienced, better staffed facility today. He was given some Ativan during the time he spent in ER, but the past five days (moved to a room in acute care) he’s only taking his usual meds. Bless the hospital staff! They’ve been amazing. A sitter was assigned to him and many staff members would walk with him around the floor (masked off course). I’m saying a prayer it’s easier going for and with him moving forward.

Joe C.

Nowhere, What a terrible experience to have to navigate through! Hoping the new facility bring some peace & comfort for both you and your husband.

M1

Wow, Nowhere, what an ending to this story.  I'm glad that you feel good about the new facility, definitely keep us posted how this goes.

I'm just thinking out loud here, but I wonder if there's a way to turn this whole experience into a learning/teaching opportunity of some kind.  Both for the facility he was evicted from, and for the larger community.  Whether there are legal ramifications for the facility that evicted him is beyond me--others with more legal experience may be able to comment on that.  But surely, surely, your dad and his "friend" are not the first two to be in this position, and they won't be the last.  So:  as things settle down, what you like to see come out of this?  Are there lessons about how this kind of thing should/should not be handled?  By the facilities, and by the families?

Ed1937

Nowhere, I can't believe things got as bad as they have! You have really had more than your share for some time now. I hope things will work out well in the end. No doubt you need things to start going your way for a change. I'm sorry you have had to put up with this.

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Crushed

Victoria2020 wrote:

Good grief 2 people of mature age bunking in a single twin bed, even for  20 year old newly married and highly motivated people that is  tricky, at their ages I  should think it is  against the Geneva Conventions.

Strictly for Humor  DW and I shared some extremely narrow beds on occasion.   

Sleeping car bunks come to mind . 

dayn2nite2

I'm sorry you were blindsided by what happened.  I assumed you understood that they would do whatever they could to get rid of him due to the problem with the other family (whether or not the family removed the other person).  I thought about posting that but felt it would be unhelpful and you already knew, so I didn't.

JJAz

"If someone tells you he or she can’t care for your loved one, believe it."

 So, so true.  And you don't want someone in charge that has given up.  There are plenty of good care facilities, just move on.