Time for nursing home(1)

Flowers6strong

After 5 months of having my MIL home we’ve decided it’s time for a nursing home. I feel like such a failure. I honestly gave it my all but she’s completely disabled and I have to care for her 24/7 and it started taking its toll on me. I’m 38 with 4 kids (2 I homeschool) and a grand baby(who I keep so my daughter can work). I just can’t do it all and it got to where I’d pray at night for the Lord to take me or her. Depression is real and scary!! So I think the nursing home is best for all but it doesn’t take away the sadness I feel. Prayers and strength for all who are going through this. I don’t wish this on anyone.

MimiMinder

You are not a failure! That needs to be shouted from a mountain top! It is heroic that you took on the task of having your disabled mother in law in your home when you are already busier than any other 38 year old I know. Let me just give you a comparison. When I was 38, I was the mother of two elementary school kids. I chose to be a stay at home parent and was diligent about clipping coupons, shopping sales, and helping in my children's classrooms. My mother lived here in our same town and would often try out a new recipe and invite us over for dinner. That was my reality.

I hope you are able to take a huge breath and remember that you matter. You have worth. You are important. Your family needs you. If you haven't reached out to a trusted friend or the Alzheimer's support line or a suicide prevention line, please do that right away. Depression is scary but you can claw your way out from under it. I know that for a fact. When you fast forward on my life 16 years, my kids are grown, my mother has dementia, and I was tasked with getting her house ready to sell. It finally hit me that she wasn't going to get better and she wasn't coming home. I went into a funk and was incapable of getting off the couch or making a simple decision. I lost a scary amount of weight and got super sick. It took counseling, medication, and the realization that my family would be so screwed if I didn't get my act together that I finally willed myself back to the land of the living. I am now healthier and more emotionally stable than I was before I took the emotional roller coaster ride.

So, please, please, please take steps to get on a healthy path. Just one little baby step after the other. You've got this! Please know that you are not alone!

LaurenB

I don't think that you are a failure.  I do think that you have a lot to manage and take care of and that there aren't enough of you to go around.  Your kids that you have at home need you.  Your grandchild needs you, and your MIL needs you too.  MIL will continue to need help and it will continue to increase.  Placing her in safe hands where she can receive 24 hour care sounds to me like you are caring enough to get her the kind of care that she needs.  You will continue to be a caregiver to her, just not under your roof.  Stay strong and take care of yourself too.

Lauren