Where Do I Begin

SBeverly

I am at a complete loss.  My mother was diagnosed with Dementia about 3 years ago.  After having knee surgery about 2 years ago it has gotten worse.  I have heard the anesthesia can sometimes progress the disease.  I am at the point of having to decide what to do, is there any assistance as she is on a limited income and myself nor my sister can contribute financially to her care.  My sister lives in town with my mother and works full time and I live out of town, not far but work full time as well.  Neither of our households would be able to accomodate her.  She was diagnosed by her PCP but we are wanting to discover what stage she's in.  Any suggestions on where to begin with getting a more concise diagnosis as well as trying to get her assistance for her care.  She has become very confused, not realizing she is in her own home which she has been there for more than 30 years.  She also says she's been with her father or he's dropped her off to this house, the thing is he has been deceased for about 19 years.  The whole thing is scary.  Both my sister and I are becoming frustrated because we can't help her.

MN Chickadee

I would get to an attorney who does elder law and estate planning. She needs to get qualified for long term medicaid. You can get a sense for this by googling long term medicaid 2021 _________(fill in your state.) An attorney can look at how to spend down any money she has and when to apply for medicaid. It varies by state in the rules and what it covers. This would pay for her care in a facility. The attorney can also help you draw up POA and other relevant documents you will need if that isn't done yet. You also want to research places in the area that provide memory care and accept medicaid. We often have to move our loved ones with dementia for their safety even when they don't want to. Their brains are too compromised to recognize its deficits and the risk and consequences. So we use fibs and workarounds. It sounds like she needs a locked memory care unit. There she will be safe and cared for and have her needs met. 

LaurenB

I agree with what MN Chicadee said about getting in touch with an eldercare lawyer.  They can help you figure out what your next steps are.

Lauren

Cynbar

You will need to apply for Medicaid for her, and then find a local facility that accepts that for payment. A certified elder law attorney would be very helpful but costs money, however many offer a free 1st consultation so find one who does, at least do that first visit to find out what your options are. Have necessary info ready ---- how much her income is, how much she has in assets (savings plus annuities, stocks, 401K, etc), cash value of any life insurance, does she own her home and any other property. If her situation is fairly simple and straightforward (no spouse, little savings or other assets, no 2nd property), you can do the application yourself if the lawyer fees are too high. But getting her onto Medicaid is the first step, facilities usually won't take someone without a payor source.

M1

Hi Beverly, if you google tam cummings stages of dementia it will take you to a good link.  There are pretty good descriptions there that may help you figure out what stage she is in--she is probably more advanced than you realize, that's pretty common.

She is likely not safe to be alone, so I endorse what others have already said about making decisions quickly.  Don't expect her to agree, she probably won't and can't.  

There are many kind and experienced caregivers here, read a lot of threads and there is a lot to learn.  Good luck.  In a pinch, you can always also call the Alzheimer's hotline--1-899-272-3900 and ask to speak to a care consultant.

SBeverly

Thanks for the information I really appreciate it.