Mom wants to go dancing!!

Aklife1

My Mom was diagnosed with moderate Alzheimer’s a few years ago. She is in her early 70’s and recently moved into her own home near me. Her husband ( my Father) passed away a few months ago so she has had a lot of change lately. Her sister lives with her full time to assist with daily activities.  Mom has always been a go getter and lively lady. She looks amazing, not a gray hair in sight, fit, gets up every morning and puts on high heel boots, leather legging, bling!! etc... gets complimented everywhere we go.  The dilemma is,  I am having a hard time keeping her entertained. She doesn’t drive anymore so her independence has been diminished.  She is absolutely bored and tells us this every day.  She calls herself “ the inmate”. She goes to the gym, volunteers, goes to church, goes on daily outings with us etc...This is not cutting it for her. She wants to go dancing at the clubs!!  She wants to date.  She doesn’t want to go to Senior centers and is not interested in any of the activities that are offered there....so no Bingo for her!!  My clubbing days are behind me and I don’t see myself escorting her to the club.  How do you accommodate someone who is still vivacious and wants to paint the town but suffers the effects of Alzheimer’s and can’t be left alone.  She can’t go out on dates alone for Pete’s sake. And of course I remind her about COVID and that people are social distancing.  Has anyone experienced a similar situation?

M1

II'd get her vaccinated, first and foremost, then check out a senior center/adult daycare and fib your heart out to get her there. I bet she'd respond to the socialization regardless, you don't have to tell her what it is.

Aklife1

Yes, we are searching for a vaccination site.  We keep her distanced when out and about.  I may try taking her to a senior center once they start activities again. Thank you

Cynbar

Maybe find her some active daytime activities? Zumba, dancercize, would she play pickle ball which seems to be so popular now? A lot of these are on hold with COVID but some do have virtual sessions. If she's that fit and active, she could probably join a group for all ages, not just seniors who often aren't that lively. As far as going clubbing (this is a new one on these boards!), the general rule with dementia patients is don't try to reason with her. Think up some excuse like clubs are closed due to the virus, and keep putting it off. Tell her everyone feels like an inmate right now which is pretty much true. Good luck, she sounds like a spitfire!

Aklife1

Thanks for the great ideas!  I have suggested Zumba , bowling etc... she wasn’t interested. 

She has no patience for things like games, puzzles..... or patience in general. 

She moved to her new home ( after 25 years in another state)  and always tells us that she wants to go back.  We saw that she was searching for apartments in her previous city and flights on her phone. That obviously isn’t happening as her support system is in her new home and community.  We’re afraid to let her go back for a visit, she may not get on the airplane for the return flight.  Her grandson is up there. She tells everyone that she hates it here.  It’s soooooo boring!!  The funny thing is that she never went dancing before she moved here.  All of a sudden she wants to tear up the town

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Aklife1

Haha !! Perfect song and she loves Abba!! 

As for the other uh hemmmm ... subject, don’t think it hasn’t crossed my mind!

GothicGremlin

Speaking as someone who's clubbing days are not behind her (even though I'm older), you could truthfully tell her that most clubs are closed right now due to covid - at least they are in northern CA and WA state.

The good news, if your mom is good with it, is that many of these clubs have online events. She can go virtually to a lot of different clubs.  Go to the club website and see what they have to offer.  Many of these places have online chats when the event is taking place, so she can interact with whoever is there at the time. And she can dance in the living room. 

Aklife1

Thanks for the info . We do tell her that many places are closed but she forgets.  

As Paul Harvey used to say “ and here is the rest of the story”

She has become quite randy with this disease.  Totally out of character for her.  We overheard her on the phone with a man that is and old friend of the family and is also married to his wife of over 50 years.  She was telling him that she needed to see him and would make hotel arrangements!  What??  So zoom calling with total strangers is not an option for us.  I know that  residents in memory care facilities often pair up for companionship.  She doesn’t have this option as she lives at home.  I don’t want her to feel isolated and want companionship for her but not sure about the dating with AD/dementia world.  It’s tricky and as a protective daughter, her safety and well being are my priority and we must protect her from the ill intentioned.  Anyone have loved ones that dated during the varies stages of AD/dementia?