Any suggestions on how to handle the constant repetition?

Schmail13

My LO lives with me, so we are together 24/7.  I'm finding it harder & harder to not stress when I am asked the same things over & over daily.  I try so hard to just calmly repeat my answers. I know this is common issue for everyone and probably no suggestion to help with it, but it just felt good toput it out there .

M1

Hi Schmall, I wish I had an answer for you-this was the same issue that brought me here last August. It hasn't gotten any better, but I think my frustration is less thanks to daily participation in this forum and I hope you'll find the same. The questions I get are pretty predictable: what causes Covid, where did it come from, what does it do, how many cats do we have, where's the other dog (there's only one), has Troy paid his rent, where's my bank statement, is Andy Griffith still alive (this from watching Mayberry and Matlock on a daily basis). A new question at this point would clue me in to a change in condition!

Quilting brings calm

I wish I had advice.   With my LO in ASL and the Covid restrictions, I only have phone calls and chauffeuring them to doctor visits.  So I’m not bombarded 24/7.  However, we go over a 6 item grocery list 3 or 4 times in a 5 minute call.  The last time I took her to the doctor, we had the same two sentence conversation on a loop for the 40 minute ride home.  ‘ so I put the medication on where it burns once a day?’ ‘Yes, mom’.  I am not exaggerating.  

Indoor visits are starting up this week. Weekday during the day shift.   Scheduled in advance, 30 minutes, two visitors in the entire building at one time.  So I will get a repetitive conversation,  made worse by by Dads’ inability to hear even with hearing aids.  

Some people have tried writing things on note cards and putting them by the person so that they see the answer before they ask the question- ‘ your doctor appointment is Thursday at 2pm for example. 

Abuela

The repetition is so hard to cope with.  But I found patience to be the best remedy.  Your loved one has no idea that he/she is repeating.  Not a clue.  So telling them about it will only make them feel badly.  It's really hard to do, but just endure it.  Sometimes I could get mom to talk about other things... to deflect... But you will find that your loved one has specific things that they repeat more than others.  I have read that this is because that particular thing is important to them... For example, mom asked me hundreds of times if I had a pension.  Only to find out she also asked my brother the same thing.  And later... she would ask me for my phone number every time that I visited, even though it was posted all over her apartment in AL.  But she would not let me leave until I wrote it down for her.  Even after I wrote it down she would ask for it a dozen more times.  They just have nothing to hold onto when it comes to remembering what they said.   

Before I moved mom near me I used to drive her back and forth to my house for visits which was a round trip of twelve hours... twice... so in a week's time we would be in the car together a lot.   I would marvel about the human brain... how could she not know that she has told me that story already... this car trip.... 8 times, let alone in my lifetime about 50 times?   Again... those stories had importance to her.   It helped me to look at it that way.   Hope it helps you.  24/7 is different, I know, but I hope you find some respite.  

LaurenB

I agree, patience and redirection.  Depending on the question it could be an attempt to tell you that something is bother her.  Maybe a babydoll or stuffed animal to hold would bring her comfort?

manuzito

My DH couldn’t talk whole sentences as his illness progressed.  When he could talk he used to ask over and over about the weather outside, if my mom and I had eaten already, sports scores and if we had enough money for food.  At the beginning it was annoying but I knew that his brain was damaged and I just answered every time trying to divert his attention.  I missed his questions when he stopped talking.  I started answering his old repetitive questions thinking that he would understand the answers.  He passed away a month ago and I would give anything to hear his voice asking me the same questions over and over again.

I understand the daily frustrations that we have as caregivers, it is a 24/7 for some os us.  I’m still the caregiver for my mom and she is also very repetitive.  She is 100 y/o with poor sight and can’t read now.  She is delusional and repeats the same story over and over all day.  Her vocabulary is excellent considering her age and her illness.  When she is repeating the stories I just go about my business since she is not expecting any answers.

Arrowhead

When my wife does that, I often give her a different answer each time. The answer doesn't matter, as long as she gets one. By making it a game for you, being creative with your answers, you might find it less stressful.

Chrisby67

I sometimes give my LO different answers to the same question also. It sounds cruel but in the begining I couldn't believe she didn't catch on. I also would not answer her because I was frustrated which felt more cruel. I would also blow up some times which defiantly wasn't called for and brought me here.

aod326

The repetition is really maddening. I agree with other posters though - once you realize you don't actually have to pay attention, it's much less stressful.  For most people it seems it's the same questions over and over, with an occasional new one for variety. As you already know the answer, you really don't have to concentrate, or really even listen. Once I realized that giving the answer wasn't actually going to change anything, I'd be reading, or watching TV, or listening to something on NPR and just answer, without missing a beat.  Honestly, doing that had a huge, almost immediate, positive effect on me.

I know that sounds cruel, but in my book, me staying sane and patient was going to be much more helpful to DH than getting so (understandably) frustrated. I know it's not in any way DH's "fault", and I don't blame him at all, but it drove me nuts sometimes! (He's now non-verbal, and I miss him talking the whole time, but I'll never forget the frustration during that stage!)

Good luck.