Indoor visits starting again

Quilting brings calm

Indoor visits started again at my parents’ ALF.  30 minutes, scheduled in advance, during the daytime on a weekday only( due to staffing).  Temperature checks and questionnaire. Only two visitors at a time for the entire building.  

Oddly, I didn’t want to go.  I’ve been doing all my parents shopping, paperwork, finances.  I’ve taken them to the doctor or the ER on a regular basis, so I’ve seen them.  I just  didn’t want to sit in their apartment and have to converse for 30 minutes.  That’s how resentful that I am over the situation and the disease.  

Surprisingly, the visit went well.  My Mom was having a good day.  Almost no repetitive statements or questions, and actual conversation.  My Dad seemed a little off. He is very hard of hearing even with his hearing aids. So I think it was that. 

However it appears I now have a command weekly visit. So I will try to combine their grocery shopping and the visit on the same day,  it’s an hour round trip. 

SonShine Lady

So wonderful to hear that indoor visits have begun where you are.  I can understand the feeling of not wanting to visit, especially if it's been a long time since you have been with them.  The week that my mother went to memory care was the same week our governor opened facility visiting so there was never a time we couldn't go and my heart goes out to those of you who haven't seen their loved ones since the initial national lock down last March.  It has now been five months of regular visiting, generally 2x/week and I stay at least an hour each time.  Even though the majority of our visits are positive, I feel drained and a bit melancholy afterwards.

WV

I was extremely anxious when my dad's MC started limited visitation (sadly since suspended because of another outbreak) but I learned to go in with low expectations. Sometimes he recognizes us, sometimes not, and on a few occasions he just feel asleep during the visit. But I view the visits as a way to check on him and chat with the caregivers and that has given me comfort.

LaurenB

I'm so excited to hear that some facilities are opening up to visits.  Our LOs need the in person family visits.  I can also appreciate the additional stress that it adds to an already busy schedule.  I like the idea of combining the grocery shopping with the visit.  Killing two birds with one stone.  I'm glad that you had a positive visit.

Lauren

Quilting brings calm

Author of this thread here 

I’ve seen them regularly due to the frequency of their doctor and ER visits.  Their PCP and specialists are 50 minutes away from their ASL.  They picked both the doctor and the facility.  The car rides and the doctor appt themselves provided for plenty of together time.   It’s just easier to be in their presence if it’s in conjunction with a car ride, etc.  I call them daily too.  It’s just that I had a very dysfunctional childhood and the other 5 siblings have escaped the caregiving clause.   

I just deeply resent the fact that the ‘golden years’  of my 60s  won’t be as desired due to caregiving demands ( theirs and other immediate family members).  I retired at the end of 2020 even though we wanted me to work one more year.  I had to because of all the caregiving demands- beginning in Sept 2019, I could never predict if  I would get to work the full week or not.   My spouse ( one of those members) and I so wanted to travel once I did retire while he still could and between the virus and being the sole local caregiver for my parents .... we won’t be able to like we want.   My parents are both the youngest in their families and they never lifted one finger or changed one plan to take care of their parents, they left that to other siblings.  In fact, they expected my Dads female sibling to also cook them and the other siblings dinner most Sundays  while Dad and his brothers visited out in the back yard. 

So unlike the rest of you that want to be with your parents, I grin and bear it. I feel guilty about it too.   I admire those of you that are doing the heavy lifting that I am not since my parents are in an ASL.