Strange Mental Mix

Arrowhead

My wife was diagnosed about 4½ years ago and I believe that she is about in the middle of stage 5. For a while, I referred to her as my 5-foot tall 5-year-old. She has digressed since then. It is strange living with a woman who has the intelligence of an adult, but the mentality of a 4-year-old. I’m not looking for answers, I’m just making an observation. 

French

I feel the same. My children are now teens and they less and less need my help but I have a new child at home, needing more and more help.

He has been diagnosed 2 years ago, stage 5 with a lot of difficulties to dress, to shower...

This weekend I will search the nightlight my children had because he gets up in the night and is unable to switch off the light afterwards so that he sleeps  (or not) with the light.

60 falcon

We're right there with you.  DW was diagnosed almost three years ago and on most days it would be very generous to compare her to a four year old.  She's gone downhill a lot this last year.

eaglemom

Taking off my PV cap.

I'm a caregiver, I totally get it. But please never ever in front of your LO compare them to a child. They can't help it. I realize your venting and that's what the forums are for. But please make certain to treat them as an adult, not a child.

Putting my PV cap back on.

eagle

Ed1937

Yes, we get it. In our case, usually I'm dealing with an adult. But I never know when the "kid" will be coming.

ThisLife

Eagle mom, I hear what your saying.  I would never say this to or in front of my husband.  However, it is a way for me to accurately describe why I'm frustrated by what I experience in a situation.  

H's name called to the window at the doctor's office and request for an ID and insurance card. I go up with him. He stands slightly behind me and no cards are being produced. I look back. He's just standing there playing solitaire on his phone.  Usually he pulls out his wallet and gets the cards out. So I ask for the wallet, he looks at me in confusion, the fog clears, and he hands me the wallet.  I'm with a 6" 2", 238 lb seven year old.  Now later at home if I would ask him to just let me keep the cards in my wallet, I would be dealing with a toddler having a temper tantrum. 

When my son asks how Dad is I can tell him he is an adult with seven year old skills and the  emotional maturity of a toddler.  Shorthand people who know child development can understand.

I'm frequently taken aback by a skill I thought he had that he has lost in the moment.  On another day near the same time, he can do the skill.  I refer to it as the flickering light effect.  The skill comes and goes until on day it has gone out never to be seen again.

French

Yes eaglemom you are right. We feel as if  we sometimes care for a child but the are adults. And this mix is very strange. I continue to tell him the issues I face at work, how I manage the finances because he is my partner and I need to share that with him. But often, not always I receive so strange answers that it’s puzzling and I have to recognize that he certainly doesn’t get what I explain.

He doesn’t behave like a child, and want to take care of the children as he did before.

I think that this gap is very disturbing because it’s difficult to know how to behave.

JM1316

My DH is probably Stage 3-4.  I do see this behavior coming in the future.  Some things he is very clear on but cannot execute.  I have found I am handier than I thought I was as I will have to step up to the plate and finish it or figure it out. His  Reasoning skills sometimes do not work.  He has clear days and then he is confused especially with appointments.  The only problem I have is that he will talk negatively about our oldest son who is my rock through this. He does not trust him (He took over the CPA business they were partners in).  His mother treated him the same way when she was alive with Alz.   I recognize the pattern and he is following the same progression as his mother.

nancyj194

I too am living with a sometimes four year old. Of course I would never say that in front of him, but this is our "sounding board" place. 

Probably eight or more years ago, I started "holding on" to his wallet, as he kept losing it. I'm now down to the picture section that I keep his insurance cards in.  It's small enough that it fits into my purse. Strangely he never seemed bothered by no longer carrying his wallet or the car keys.

My husband has lost his reasoning/problem solving skills some years back. It's just not there.

When we go to the doctor, I fill everything out, as that ship has sailed for him. He no longer even tries, but instead hands it over to me.  I remember 8 years ago, he wrote down today's date as 2009. He even had the month .way off. The girl took the pad and was shocked.  I didn't say anything, as everyone was smiling. 

Our son is our rock. He will come at a moment's notice, if possible, and constantly is fixing things, turning off the sprinkler system, draining the evaporative cooler and getting it ready for winter, etc. When my husband started being negative about him, I would say, we need him to help us with so many things, so we don't want to drive him away. I repeated that so many times, it seems to have stuck.  If he starts getting negative again, I just go back to how much we need our son, as there are so many things WE can no longer do. He sometimes is quiet, but most of the time he agrees.  I try to add what I cannot do any longer or what our good friend and neighbors cannot do, so it seems to help to back up my statement with examples.

Gig Harbor

This Life I like the flickering light analogy. Last week I asked my husband to put a dirty towel in the laundry and he asked where the laundry room was. Last night I tried the same thing and he knew exactly where it was. It seems like if he doesn’t think about it muscle memory takes over. His memory for new things no longer exists. If I ask him to get something out of the garage he forgets the request within 10 seconds and will keep coming back to ask what it was he was supposed to get. He likes to unload clean dishes from the dishwasher and it is always fun to see where things end up. He can putter around for hours. Example he gets up about 8 but often does not make it out to the kitchen for 3 hours. He spends at least an hour meticulously making the bed. I think about putting a camera in the room to see what else he does. He does resold stacks of folder paper towels too. Making lunch is another thing. He now takes an hour to make a peanut butter and jam sandwich. I could do it in 5 minutes but it is an hour occupied for him and he doesn’t notice the time it takes. Every week I notice something else that he is forgetting. Sad to see.