Pity Party(3)

JoseyWales

Hi all, Just feeling a bit lonely tonight.  DH is progressing, needs help with just about everything, and I feel, well, like my life just isn't my own. It's all about jumping up to do what he wants. And before anyone tells me not to jump up, how do you say no when your DH wants a drink of water and can't figure out how to do that or needs to go to the bathroom and needs help?

Anyway, lonely here on a Saturday night. I've calmed him down from his usual "I want to buy a car and you're a horrible person for not letting me drive" rant and headed off the "We need to move into a better house" speech. I turned off the TV because I was getting the "We need to go on vacation" speech after every outdoor scene and then came the "I have no friends" tears. I wasn't watching TV anyway, because it's impossible to follow any kind of plot when you have to get up to get someone water, then find the water they put down who-knows-where. 

Anyway, just posting because I feel invisible tonight.

Mint

Sending you a virtual hug Josey.

karwiy

I’m out here and hear you. Wish there were something I could say or do to help. A support system, some kind of relief/time off and venting all are therapeutic. Wishing you strength and courage.

60 falcon

You could have been writing about me and my wife. Pretty much the same here.

jfkoc

You are certainly not invisible to your husband or to us but I do know how that feels.

Of course you get your husband a drink. If for no other reason than it is easier that the alternative as you pointed out.

It might help to slightly switch his desires like "what was the favorite car that you ever bought and then add by telling him about yours". Same with vacation "what was the best/worst" for each of you. You really can do some serious "building" on almost any topic.

Feeling invisible is a valid reason for a "pity party". I wish you never have another  party but.......

We are always here nd we know all about those parties!

David J

Hi Josey, 

With us it’s Diet Coke and Glucerna.  Half empty bottles turn up everywhere, while she wants another. DW isn’t as verbal as your DH, so I don’t get to have the car/driving conversations any more. 

Evenings are tough, aren’t they?  With the sun downing of PWD, and exhausted caregivers trying to relax and have a peaceful end of the day, it just gets hard. DW can’t follow plots on tv, doesn’t want to listen to music, and can’t sit down for 30 seconds before she’s up and moving again. All PWDs are different, but there are certain similarities. We wait on them and they don’t realize or recognize the service. 

There’s no one to talk to so it gets lonely. No one really understands what you’re going through unless they’ve lived it. This forum helps, but it isn’t the same as in person support from family and friends. DW says she’s afraid, and I comfort her as much as I can and promise I’ll take care of her. Of course I’m concerned about the future too, but who’s going to comfort me?  It really is a lonely existence. 

So I hear you and see you, Josey, and I empathize because I’m there too. 

Dave 

Ed1937

Josey, I think most of us have lived at least part of what you're talking about. So we understand, that's for sure. I wish it wasn't so tough. I've had times like that, but for the most part I don't, so I've been lucky so far. And I don't have a job I have to go to every day.

aod326

I know it's just a turn of phrase, but you're not self-pitying. This is a really hard journey, and certain stages of the disease are just relentless on a daily basis. However much you love the person you're caring for, it's exhausting and lonely. I'm lucky to have great emotional support from a couple of people, but nobody truly understands unless they've gone through this journey on a daily basis. (I didn't understand either, before this.)

Each day is a new day - sometimes with the same irksome challenges, sometimes new ones and, occasionally a good day. We all understand.