Need distraction from the calendar

TaraAggie97

My mom is very bored and doesn’t want to get out much; just sits and stares at the calendar for much of the day.  My dad prints out the day’s calendar in the morning before my mom gets up.  He circles the day and leaves the rest of the month with important days/activities denoted  (grocery shopping, dog wash, nail and hair appointment).  The problem is that she has now become obsessed with the calendar to the point of repeating it to herself and also constantly referring to it in conversation.  Today, she became argumentative and confused about my husband’s BD (tomorrow) insisting that today was the day.  She ranted and raved about an hour or so - to herself and my dad.    

We have been trying to get her out to visit my home on occasion...and this seems to help.  

Can anyone relate to these actions with their LO?  Suggestions for what to do?  She’s still fairly early in the course of her dementia (we think...she still adamantly refuses to go to the doc).  She isn’t the puzzle type and no longer reads or does crosswords.  

Thanks for the help.  

star26

It sounds like it’s time to stop giving her the calendar. My Dad could make no sense of the calendar and became worried and confused when given appointment information in advance. Instead, I switched to telling him on the day of the event and it usually worked out much better for both of us. 

I’ve seen lots of posts in the past with activity ideas. Maybe you can find some with the search feature. In the beginning I discovered that I was overestimating my Dad's abilities and that he would say he had no interest in something when actually it was too challenging for him. He also refused a lot because he was just apathetic. But, if I went about it the right way, such as doing something myself and seeing if he’d join in to help (then I’d excuse myself), I could get him going on little projects that he had initially refused. I'm sure it depends on particular personalities etc. but here are some ideas that I've had luck with: Adult coloring books with watercolor pencils (maybe fashion or another interest of hers?), leafing through magazines and coffee-table type books with lots of photos on a variety of subjects (get a bunch from the library), sorting items to help you or your Dad, craft or art projects, planting seeds and other small indoor gardening projects, listening to music, helping with one aspect of meal preparation, folding/straightening/organizing, youtube videos. Maybe she would be more inclined to work on something if she felt she was helping you out? "Mom, I promised to make a bunch of (insert simple craft project) for a charity function and I think I've overcommitted myself. Can you help do some of them?" If you ever want to try a puzzle again, I love the 30 piece Springbok puzzles specifically for people with dementia. 

M1

Tara, I wonder if you're not projecting a bit to say that your mother is bored. I doubt it-I think the apathy and lack of initiative is part of the disease. I agree that the isolation of Covid and lack of socialization exacerbates everything, but I would bet she's not as bored as you think she is. Meaning-this is probably all she can do. And as we see on this forum all the time, I would gently suggest that she's probably more advanced in her disease than you realize when you're so close to it.

Perhaps the calendar needs to go away?  If it's becoming an issue, maybe not printing it out would be better. Maybe the printer needs to break for a bit or something. Wish I had a positive suggestion. Would she cooperate with adult daycare if open? Might give everyone a break.

TaraAggie97

Thank you for your response!  I agree that it is time to take away the calendar and just list that day’s activities. 

Also interesting to hear that the activities that she is saying that she doesn’t want to do are probably just becoming to challenging for her.  Hadn’t thought that way, but it makes sense.  

So many great ideas, but she really doesn’t do much of anything these days.  Mom used to garden, read books, manage finances, do crosswords, etc.  Now she just sits and stares at her phone or the calendar.  It just about breaks our hearts.  

I am thinking that she is further along in the dementia stages and it seems to be going pretty fast.  It all started in April/May of 2020 (that we noticed that something was wrong)...

Thanks again!

TaraAggie97

Thanks for the suggestion that she may be farther along in her disease.  I believe she is... 

Also reassuring to hear that she may not be all that bored.  The physical therapist in me wants her to be more active perhaps.  

I just want for something to distract her from her compulsions.