How long between showers

tryingtolearn

My possibly stage 4-5  LO will not

shower.  I began keeping track and now we are almost at 2 weeks.

This discussion has helped so much with ways to lead my LO where we have to go but how do i force her to shower.  Maybe i just need to relax 

ladyzetta

Maybe ask her to take a shower with you so she can wash your back. Tell her your going some place and she needs to take a shower. Then when she is done take her for a ride and get her a special treat.

tryingtolearn

Thank you not a bad idea at all

ladyzetta

Good. It just might work. 

Rescue mom

Two general rules I use: 1. How “dirty” (or smelly, etc) is she or he, and 2. Pick your battles. 

That said, much beyond 2 weeks, I’d probably start working more at getting my DH in the shower. But, if he hasn’t been doing anything to get dirty or cause odors, I may well let 7-10 days go without having a big to-do about it. 

My DH balks maybe half the time; I have to get in the shower with him and basically wash him myself, and/or make sure the bathroom is warm, much warmer than for me. Have the water running and hot when she gets there. And/or, get everything ready so you can talk her into and through it. Have warm towels at hand waiting for her. Bribery works for some, promise a treat when she finishes.

If you look through the threads, you’ll see this is a common problem, and lots of suggestions about how to get them to shower.

Ed1937

My wife was refusing to bathe too. One of our daughters went shopping for me, and bought pretty new towels and washcloths. She also bought a fragrance bottle and scent, along with battery run candles, which would be safe if they fell into water. And pretty new shower curtains. We have an Alexa, so that went into the bathroom for music for her. We warmed the room up to 80 degrees or so, and it looked like a spa when we were finished. This worked well for maybe 3 bathings, then no more.

Our daughter was here when it was time for her mother to bathe, and she talked her into doing it. She asked me to not bring up the fact that it was time for bathing, and she would handle it. I agreed. This worked well, and when the virus hit, she started calling her mother every other day to tell her it was time to get clean. This has been working for quite a few months now, but we don't know how long it will last. If there is someone close to him who might try to convince him to shower, it might work. Many times input from someone other than the caregiver will have a much better chance of success. I hope you find the secret.

Iris L.

In addition to the above suggestions, are you using a shower chair?  PWDs have poor balance.  Also, look into no-rinse adult wipes.  

Iris L.

sandwichone123

I've been thinking about this question, although we're not there yet. Historically we haven't always showered--taking a shower is relatively new, culturally. So my feeling is that we should be able to wash one body part a day (besides any that need frequent cleaning) and never have to step under running water.

David J

I use the sneak-attack method. I wake her up in the morning and just start the process. By the time she wakes up, she’s in the shower.

Last Dance

When my wife stopped wanting to take showers I would just wash her up by hand. Every day I would wash her private parts and then I would alternate days 1 day I would do her upper body then the  other day her lower body. Make sure the bathroom is warm and have a place for her to sit down even when hand washing, Its easier on them and also on you.

tryingtolearn

Thank you everyone for these helpful responses 

will try 

French

I am accompanied by an ergo therapist. About one year ago I remarked that there was more and more time between showers (it was the beginning of stage 5). I think that getting dressed and undressed was becoming difficult for him so he was avoiding it. The therapist explained me that we need routines.

It took me time and patience.

The solution has been the pyjama. He never wear one before. Bot now as he is cold, he accepted a warm and nice pyjama. This also helps me collecting dirty clothes each evening and avoiding he mixes clean and dirty clothes. With pyjama wearing, before going to bed there is also teeth brushing. I remarked that he stopped brushing teeth. This is the evening routine and now it is quite automatically done (I am present to help if needed, and it’s needed) . I think that even if it can seems rigid, he is reassured by This routine.

 The morning, he will have his new clothes after the shower, so it’s the first thing he will do after getting up. unfortunately I still have difficulties to have him going to toilets before and I must clean the shower everyday. 

Now, even on Sunday when I go running before he gets up, I let the clothes in the bathroom and when I come back he has showered and wears the new clothes he succeeded in putting on more or less well, depending on the day.

I don’t know if it will last long, but for the moment it helped to solve the shower problem.

The ergo therapist explained me than even if we don’t like to impose this kind of routines they are of great help for the caregiver as for the cared person. 

@tryingtolearn, perhaps it’s a little late for you if he doesn’t want to go to shower, but it could help others not let situations get out of hand.

I sometimes find very tiring to try to control things like that, but there are still so many other things that I can’t anticipate, that it helps having good bases for everyday life.