please share your thoughts

tryingtolearn

My LO seems to be wavering between stage 4 and 5     Clearly has signs of stage 5 but not there totally.

I have a high pressured health care job that requires at least 10 hours a day consistently that I have never felt was really the right fit for me and do not love.  (There was a merger and I actually got a promotion but never really fully settled in)

It does allow me to work from home at times, they are a wonderful large employer and it is a good paying position so I have not looked elsewhere.

However I am completely overwhelmed for months and can not continue to provide good care for my LO and keep this position.  My thought is to stay with the same employer but switch to a less intense position that would allow me to work from home.   Of course the pay is significantly less but would still provide for us. 

Even writing this out has helped clear my mind.    My LO has a very long way to go and I know that I have another 5-8 years to work so giving up a job is really not an option. 
Hoping I am thinking clearly and may reach out to HR and confirm that the job switch would be possible.   The current situation can not continue.  It isnt working for anyone, me, my LO and eventually it will show for my employer.  Thank you for listening

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tryingtolearn

thank you but there is no pension    it is all in our 403 but I appreciate the thought

Wish i understood more how this would affect my Social Security since possibly my last working years would be at a much less salary

French

My partner is clearly stage 5. He is 51 years old. I have a depending job. Responsible of a research team, teaching at university, coordinating A European research project... Changing job is not an option, I will be able to retire at 63 and I am 49... I have to work anyway.

 I really don’t want to do a break or take a less demanding position, working is important for me. It helps me thinking to something else.

Today I had to go to the university at 8:00, I will do it again on Wednesday. The courses have reopened and I am happy not to continue through zoom... even if I will have to reorganize everything. I have somebody (a paid caregiver) at home + the daycare.

The daycare is beginning at 10 but I must leave at 7:30, I will find somebody to be there when I leave.

It’s better for everybody If I work. Better for my balance. Better for him to spend time with various people... he likes the daycare, he likes the paid caregiver. Today they did biscuits, sometimes they do table tennis in the parks... with me he wouldn’t do all this activities.

Crushed

tryingtolearn wrote:

thank you but there is no pension    it is all in our 403 but I appreciate the thought

Wish i understood more how this would affect my Social Security since possibly my last working years would be at a much less salary

Ok  The social security calculator uses your highest 35 years of salary adjusted for inflation. Since I'm retired I can no longer access their estimator but ge acess to you earing history adn plug numbers in AARP has a useable calculator

 Here is the formula 

https://www.ssa.gov/pubs/EN-05-10070-1951.pdf

tryingtolearn

thank you for your respond   That is a very good point about the activities and seeing different people

aod326

It certainly sounds overwhelming. I had a similar situation in that I have a reasonably senior job and, at 57, am not in a position to retire, nor do I want to.  (I'm luckier in that I love my job.) I also realized that, understanding as my employer was, at some point it would show that I wasn't achieving my best. 

Could you consider some in-home care? I had someone for 10 hours/day, M-F, but that was because DH could not be left on his own at all. Maybe you could have less? DH was not initially keen on the idea, because of course he didn't think anything was wrong with him, but I convinced him she was here because the doctor had said she should be. (I went along with DH and said I agreed with him, but that if we didn't do it, it might invalidate our health insurance.)

I looked into Adult Day Care, but the problem was they were open from 9 - 4 at the longest, so I'd have to arrive and leave work early.

One thing to bear in mind is that it can actually be helpful to your wellbeing to leave the house. You'll have a break, even just commuting time, and mix with people who are outside of the dementia world. Also, as things progress, it may be hard to work from home effectively, because he'll need attention at inopportune moments, or "join" a conference call.

I would think very carefully before you decide to move to a less intense position. Once you've made that move, you would be unlikely to be able to move back, and if you're bored in the new role, that won't help at all.

Could you take some vacation time to unplug first?

Good luck with your decision!

David J

Hi tryingtolearn!  Since you have a 403, I assume you work for mon- profit. I worked for a private university and participated in their 403b. The investment company (TIAA) had a dedicated investment counselor for the University, and I consulted him often. If you have that opportunity take advantage of it. They were able to tell me how much I would have at retirement, and then as I was considering retirement (at 62) to care for DW, how long my money would last. I realized that I could retire and have a similar standard of living. It’s worth talking to them  

Another thing you could try is to work out a phased retirement or other deal with Human Resources. The University had incentive to replace older, well paid staff with younger employees, and I entered into a two year, two phase program of revived hours. Unfortunately, DW needed more daily care than I could provide while working, even with reduced hours. I retired 9 months into the first phase. 

I have been retired 4 years and do not regret it. 

Good luck, no matter what you decide. 

Dave

ElaineD

So much depends on how your 403b money is invested.  We have always had a financial advisor, who only takes a SMALL percentage of our assets in his management.  It is in his best interest to grow our accounts.

Various financial scenarios can be modeled, taking into account your social security, other assets, and how your 403b funds are invested.

You will be required by law to begin withdrawing money from your 403b by your early 70's.  And the percentage you must withdraw increases every year thereafter.  

I highly recommend finding a good financial advisor, and possibly a Certified Elder Law Attorney to help with your planning.

Elaine

Quilting brings calm

Have you already taken advantage of intermittent family leave?  I applied for this in regards to my LO in Oct 2019.  I could use up to 60 days ( the equivalent of 12 weeks) as I needed it during 12 months.  So I could take a week at a time or a day here and there.  It gave me another year of working before I decided to retire.

JoseyWales

You titled this "Please share your thoughts," so I'm going to share mine.

A few years ago, when DH was stage 4-5, I thought about finding an on-line, work from home job. I thought that would be the best of both worlds. I could work and take care of DH.

Then along came Covid. I'm a teacher, I was forced to work from home last spring. It was difficult. DH couldn't figure out that I was working if I was home. I found myself working 2 24 hour jobs - teaching and taking care of DH. 

We went back in person in August. We've had about 10 days of on-line days because of too many staff quarantines or weather closures. It's a nightmare. DH needs constant supervision now (probably early stage 6) to a point that I never imagined. He's constantly on the go and always needs help. I never imagined how much harder working from home would be.

Daycares around me are all closed due to Covid. I have put together daily supervision for him between family and paid caregivers. I have about 13 years until I can retire, so quitting my job isn't an option.