Challenges

ChuckA

Hi all, new here. My MIL is in the middle stage of Alzheimer's and lives with us. She's routinely confused, sundowns daily has been aggressive/combative 2x with my daughter and me and, she hallucinates and suffers from delusions regularly. During the day, most days, we have a good relationship. She's pleasant, kind, funny, engaging. In the evenings it flips. She's uncomfortable with me increasingly, finds fault with me and feels I mistreat her. Not surprisingly,  I have become the villain in all of her stories. No matter how kind I am or how well I treat her, she always finds a way to cast me in a negative light. When she started hallucinating late last year, she would see people in our home that weren't there. She would converse with them in the evening even tho, they never responded to her. She's seen creatures and animals in the house and was only really terrified of one once. We were able to talk her down by using some of the methods I learned on the Alzheimers Association webpage. Her delusions, however, have taken a very dangerous turn. We have a hospital bed in our living room, where she spends most of her time. I passed it on the way to the kitchen and asked her if she wanted me to get her something to eat or drink. She said she wasn't hungry and thanked me for taking such good care of her. Roughly 20 minutes later, she came into the family room with my wife and myself, quietly sat down, and started weeping. I asked if there was anything I could do to help; I even offered to leave so she could speak with my wife since her mind always finds a way to make me the bad guy. She said no but wanted to make sure our daughter wasn't in earshot. Once she felt our daughter couldn't hear, she said she was afraid we wouldn't believe her and started sobbing heavily. We told her just to go ahead and tell us what was on her mind. Long story short, she said that I had raped her in the night and demanded that my wife check her to see that she was telling the truth. I didn't even know where to start with that one. My wife told her that she was wrong and that it hadn't happened. After realizing that this was another of her delusions, she just wailed and said she was dangerous. I agree. I'm concerned about this kind of thing happening again, and I don't know where to turn. When she was hospitalized recently, she felt that a young man visiting her roommate would rape her as he wasn't getting any sex at home. How she got there is anyone's guess. She's routinely paranoid, emotional, depressed. I don't know how to react or what to expect from day today. Yesterday was a good day, with no problems, confusion but nothing major. We've learned to live day by day with very few expectations. My wife wants to keep her here in the home with us as long as we can. I'm more than a little concerned about how twisted her delusions regarding the rest of the family and me may become. Not sure how to proceed. Her doctors are aware of the hallucinations/delusions and that they're increasing in frequency and duration. I just don't know what to do. Thanks for letting me bend your ears.

M1

Hi Chuck and welcome.  How difficult for all of you.  It seems delusions, like nightmares, frequently have unpleasant content and sexual content, you'll find many similar stories here if you read a lot of threads.  You rarely find stories of someone who's pleasantly or happily deluded, it's usually disturbing to the sufferer and the caregivers.

I suspect it will almost certainly take medication to make these abate.  Is she on anything already?  If so, doses need to be increased.  If not, it's the atypical antipsychotics--Seroquel, Risperdal, Zyprexa--that usually help.  Worth a prompt discussion with her docs for sure.

Good luck.  This is a supportive place with lots of experienced caregivers.

LaurenB

Hi Chuck.  What an interesting situation that you are in.  I'm thankful that you and your wife are on the same side and are doing your best with your MIL.  As added protection, I would let your MIL's doctor know the details of what she is saying.  This will help the doctor in figuring out next steps, but also creates a paper trail of accusations.  In the future, MIL might try to call 911 or may tell someone in the medical field who is a mandatory reporter.  This helps build the case for your MIL having dementia and that this is one of her documented delusions.

Lauren

dayn2nite2

You’re a better person than I.  If I was male and had someone with a delusion that I was raping her in my house, she’d be getting placed quickly, mostly so I was no longer in a position where I’d be alone with her ever.

Is your daughter an adult or still a child.  If a child, I’d be concerned that she’s growing up in a 1-bed nursing home and she can’t even have friends over.  

Doctors don’t seem to be helping you and seriously I’d get her out of the house for my own protection from future accusations.  

harshedbuzz

Chuck-

I am sorry for the situation in which you find yourselves. 

Unfortunately, delusions can often take a sexual turn. My dad's were of a nature that would have landed him in jail and on the front page of the local paper. It got so bad, we stopped taking him places lest he incriminate himself. There's also the possibility that this accusation is the result of a conflated memory meaning that she- or someone she knows- was sexually assaulted but she's got the details scrambled. For a time dad was convinced he had his knee replaced except it was my mom who did.

The thing is, this is your MIL's reality. She believes this and for that reason alone, medication should be trialed to resolve this false belief- iI would encourage you to seek a geriatric psychiatrist or gerispsych admission for medication management. 

That said, I wonder if your wife has met her goal of keeping mom at home as long as possible. 

HB

terei

I have to agree with dayn2.  The prevailing idea that the PWD’s welfare comes before everyone else in the family is IMO outrageous.

To allow one person’s behavior to negatively impact everyone else in the family is not reasonable or fair.   

In this particular case, I would worry what would happen if a mandatory reporter(like her doctor) feels obligated to call the authorities to ‘report’ elder abuse.   It could have catastrophic personal + financial consequences.

IMO she is not appropriately medicated + should be assessed in a geri psych ward til her behaviors adequately controlled.