Not sure what to do(2)

MoBrown

I am new to this site. My mother was diagnosed with Dementia in Oct. 2020. I am watching her condition worsen but am grateful that she is still able to do somethings on her own. I am more concerned about my father. My parents have been married for 50+ years. My father is in denial about her condition and is resisting help because she thinks she can do the things she used to do, she just doesn't want to do it anymore. He sees a therapist for anxiety but is reluctant to seek any other help. He is angry and argumentative with her daily and I am not sure what I can do to help him as I think his reactions are making her condition worse. I am dont know what to do to protect my mother and help father when he is resistant to taking any help. I have someone that  comes in to help for a few hours 3 days a week and then she is with me 2 days a week to try to relieve the stress on him. I am at a loss of ideas and not sure where to turn.

Quilting brings calm

Been there done that 

Here’s a few things I have done

Moved them to an ASL so Dad would have help.  

Called the doctor and asked him to have a chat with my dad.  This didn't accomplish as much as I’d like, but the doctor didn’t shy away from using the word dementia repeatedly and telling dad ASL was the appropriate place for both of them.  That was because Dad kept telling Mom he was going to leave the ASL

If your Dad is computer savvy- direct him to this site and others.  If he reads, find reading material.  

M1

Hi McBrown, this is not uncommon unfortunately.  You have to ask yourself whether your dad is also having some cognitive decline that makes it harder for him to accept or adapt to what is going on.  Do you have power of attorney for both of them?  You'll likely need it....and may have to make a change in living arrangements over his objections.  If he has no insight then he is probably having problems himself.  Welcome to the forum--there are many experienced caregivers here.  Good luck--

LaurenB

Welcome to the group.  My mom was diagnosed in October and my stepdad was initially in denial.  He seems to be accepting of the diagnosis, but doesn't understand how or why my mom behaves a certain way.  He continues to think that she will stop doing X when she realizes...  This is just not how a person with dementia's brain works.  I encourage you to reach out and connect with others on this board as well as finding an online support group that meets weekly/monthly via zoom/webex/google.  You can find tons under the local resources board in the upper right corner of the screen.

Lauren