Advice and caregiver support needed

tgrlovr

Ive been caring for my dad for 3yrs now and ive had to learn as i go but now things are becoming more difficult and i need advice on showering help its becoming a battle and any help i can get really.  im an only child so nobody else can help and my mom died in 2004 so personally i have nobody as all other family related to us is out of state and very unsupportive.

Amy1909

A friend of mine was able to get assistance through Medicare. They sent her a detachable shower head and she bought a shower chair. She also had a caregiver come in to help her bathe her mom. I had to help my mom shower for the first time a month ago. I feel for you. This is really hard in so many ways.  I hope you can find help with this.

RobOT

Hi, tgrlovr, sorry you've arrived at this point in the caregiver journey.  This might get a little long, but hang in there, this is such a common problem you'll get lots of info.  You said it's a battle, do you know why?  Is he embarrassed being naked in front of you, afraid of falling or slipping, does he think he already took a shower, or is it just too much trouble?  He could be more sensitive to temperature than you realize, something unexpected might be uncomfortable, or he might just be at a stage where he feels he's losing control of things (as in everything), and this is an easy one to make a fuss over.  Make sure there are mats and a shower chair if he's unsteady.  These can be bought online , just google them and shop around.  If he's modest, he can wear a light robe or have a towel over his lap, and washing gets done under them.  The hand held shower head is a big help, you can avoid getting water sprayed in his face with it, and rinsing his crotch is easy and thorough.  He can wear flip flops or clogs to prevent slipping.  I find my dad is more open to a shower if he he thinks we're going to the doctor, and he's almost certain to agree to one if he's promised a lunch out or something (not much of an option right now, though.)  Stand out of sight if that helps, peek around the corner, etc., let him wash his privates and finish the job with the sprayer.  ABOVE ALL, stay calm, and act like it's no big deal.  Get the soap, towels, shower chair, and everything you will need ready before the shower, out of his sight if possible.  Don't push too hard--if he won't do it at the moment, give it a little time and try again.  Try bribes--"you can have a piece of cake after your shower".  Make sure the water temp is comfortable, and try to reduce any draftiness in the bathroom.  I hope some of this helps, I know it's a lot.  You will find that trying to figure out what's really the problem with PWD can make things easier for both of you.  Good luck with this, and stay dry :0.

tgrlovr

thank you so much for the advice.  recently i bought a handheld sprayer and im hoping this will work

tgrlovr

Thank you so much for the advice.  Recently I have bought a hand held sprayer for the shower and Im seriously considering having someone come in and help with bathtime.

tgrlovr

Thanks for the help. Yes hes just very matter of fact that either hes taken one will take one later or no thank you.  I cant stand treating my dad like my child but its come down to that.  I will take your advise I have tried asking him why but he just says he likes showers he just has to be in the right frame of mind.  All I know is he needs to shower and hes full of excuses.  The bribe thing has worked before so i wll try again.

Cynbar

Strongly consider hiring someone to come in and help him with his shower. You might tell him the doctor ordered it, that helps some people accept it better. Oftentimes, our relatives will be more cooperative with an outside person than they are with us. Maybe start once a week so it's not too overwhelming, then add another day if he's adjusting. He shouldn't need a shower more often than that unless he has other issues. You have enough to do, take that struggle off your plate.