Bathing(8)

Teresag56

Hey I am a new caregiver to my 91 yr old mom.She is mid stage Alzheimer's. She is physically in good shape and health. She can take a shower on her own brush hair and teeth and dress herself most times weather appropriate. My question is how do I get her to take a shower. She tells me she took a shower but she is just wetting washcloth or towel and taking a sponge bath and insist on washing out her dirty undies in the sink and hanging them in bathroom. HELP...I don't know how to get her to understand she needs to take a shower. She is too independent yet...so I can't make her get in shower. I go in and turn shower on get water just right...put out towel and washcloth...she turns water off. She has a nice walk in shower a bath chair to sit on handrail to hold onto and a handheld shower if she doesn't want water to hit her head...thanks for any suggestions

LaurenB

Maybe she is too confused by the process of showering or is afraid of falling/slipping.  She may need you to be with her to guide her and keep her safe.

MN Chickadee

This is common in the progression of dementia. You will likely need to be far more involved. Arguing, reasoning, presenting evidence of her needing to bathe will not work. Her mind cannot process that, and she probably does believe she just took a shower so there's no point in trying to convince her otherwise. The key may lie in learning communication techniques. It can be hard the first time, since modesty, relationship boundaries being crossed, sensory inputs are at play. My mother actually responded much better to help from hired aides than family with bathing but hopefully you can get to a point of assisting yourself. The steps involved in undressing and figuring out the water temp and which products to use becomes very befuddling and upsetting. Being cold or wet may no longer makes sense to her.  You'll have to actually work on being in the bathroom with her. Each person may require a different approach.  If she was the type of lady who used to get her hair done at the salon, perhaps you'll find she will let you shampoo the hair in the sink. Some find bribing works (lets get washed up and then I have some special ice cream for you etc) or saying let's get washed up before we go to the restaurant. A certain time of day may be better. If you fail now try again later.  Let her wear  a swim suit, t-shirt, or drape towels and let them get wet, since modesty can be a issue. It doesn't need to be a perfect bath or shower, anything is better than nothing in the beginning. Keeping a calm soothing tone, being prepared with everything you need ahead of time, making sure you are the uncomfortable one (you should be hot, not her being cold.) Call it a spa day, we're going to spoil ourselves. A girls day in, maybe you bought some special spa stuff. Once you get a few showers under your belt it may become more routine for her. 

There are some good resources out there to help you find techniques that may help. Here are a few:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sl3Dc1kERto

https://www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving/daily-care/bathing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKT9YIVPREE

Goo luck, let us know how it goes so we can all learn from each other. 

M1

Teresa if finances allow, this may be something to hire help for.  PWD sometimes respond and cooperate better to an outside than to family.  Just a thought, you could have someone come in twice a week, say.  Most agency employees are going to be very familiar with this.  Would be better if all are covid vaccinated first, of course, and i would specifically ask that if you decide to pursue.

Teresag56

Thanks I have a homecare aide that comes and stays with her 2 days a week. I have talked to them about bathing. They are going to try and see if she will shower for them. Thanks so much for advise

JulieJones

Your mother sounds similar to mine. My 87 year old mother with mod severe Alzheimer's also can physically shower and brush her teeth, however each day she tells me that she has already showered. (Brushing teeth is yet another difficult topic.) I have decided that a shower is not going to happen everyday, even though she thinks it does. For right or wrong, when it applies, a few times I've suggested that she step in the shower and clean up so there won't be a urine smell. It has come to this, and she will then shower. While she is in the shower I sneak in and exchange her used underwear and pad for fresh ones or she will re-wear them. I have also been noting on her calendar when she showers. I also sometimes tell her that I am going to take a shower, and suggest that she do the same because it is time to get cleaned up and ready for the day. I linger and help her prepare clean clothes for afterwards, then hope she actually showers while I go do the same. Would your mother want to bathe instead? Does she like any particular music that you can play during this time only? Bathing is such a tough issue!

Quilting brings calm

Keep in mind that at this age and activity level, twice a week is sufficient.  She can do the washcloth/sponge choice in-between.  Bathroom issues are an exception of course.  

When my LO had a UTI that sent her dementia into overdrive, I found that other people could get her to do things that we couldn’t.  We couldn’t get her to take her medication from either the pill reminder box, the table or our hands.  A half hour endeavor every time.  A friend could just had her the pills and she would immediately take them. 

Kaustin1741

I have heard from multiple sources that bathing becomes an issue, something about the flow of the water or being in water that a person with this disease doesn’t like. We have this issue as well. My MIL can’t physically take a shower on her own so we know when she has and hasn’t taken a shower although sometimes she will still say she has already done it. We can’t physically force her into the shower, so some days she gets a wash cloth bath. One of our caregivers that comes into the home suggested the “no rinse shampoo cap”. It’s a shower cap that has a no rinse shampoo in it to wash her hair. Washing of the hair is the part she resists the most. I ordered them on amazon and we will see how it goes. You may just have to try every day but settle for a sponge bath some days. One time I tried telling MIL she smelled and needed to take a shower, of course that only made her angry.

Abuela

You have gotten good advice here.  I could not get mom to shower. No one could for a really long time... I mean really long time.... it was explained to me that she did not understand why we kept telling her she needed to shower because in her mind... she had just showered.  It was over a year that mom did not shower. She did some sponge bathing in her sink.  And I would get the hairdresser to wash her hair about twice a month in good months... It was awful.  Really awful. Eventually she would not allow that either.  In her last year she was showered by a very astute caregiver in her MC unit that developed a good rapport with her on the overnight shift.  She would wander around at night. He was able to get her to agree to a shower before he went off shift.  Go figure.    My mom was the most meticulous person you would ever meet about her appearance and personal care and it was heartbreaking for me to watch.... Good luck.