ALZ Advice to soon to be caregiver

jfscrub

Hi Folks. My dad (92) who has dementia, and his wife (82) really need to make some changes. She knows this and is wanting help to close up their condo (in FL) and move to an assisted living situation, but logistics are too much for her. Is there any help with the actual tasks of moving on from independent living to cleaning up finances and getting into a safer home life?  All of us "kids" live several hundred miles away and are unable to take on the financial burden of moving.  

What did some of you have to do to get the ball rolling?

Thanks

jf

GH91346

If the kids can’t help you can look into hiring an independent geriatric care manager. That person can offer advice and also do some of the necessary legwork to make the move happen. They might want to consider moving to an AL that’s closer to family if there’s no support in FL or you can continue to keep the care manager on board even after the move as needed.

MN Chickadee

You can hire a geriatric care manager to handle much of this, but know they cost plenty of money. They would assist with much of this and I'm guessing there are plenty of them in FL.

My dad, the primary caregiver, did not have the gas in the tank to do any of this either. If mom is communicating that to you it's important not to put it on her plate, and let her focus on taking care of dad because that can be exhausting itself. I strongly encourage you to have them move to a place near a family member. This will be very important down the line, and being hundreds of miles away is incredibly hard with later stage dementia. And at their age I would just do whatever you can to have someone closer.

Things that come to mind that either you kids will have to do or hire:

First calling to get promotional material from ALs for mom and dad to look at, then someone starts calling to ask questions and narrowing down  to do some tours or visits and eventually choose one or two as the final choice and get on their wait list, put a deposit down, handle all the paperwork they need. 

Hiring a real estate agent to sell the condo

Hire a moving company that will do the packing and moving. There are also people who will clean out and sell everything else and take a portion of the proceeds. Sort of like an estate sale. I'm assuming they will need to downsize their stuff if they are moving to AL. She will likely need help with caring for dad during the packing and transition days as that will be a big upheaval in his routine and scenery.

Hire an elder law attorney to draw up necessary legal paperwork like POA and clean up whatever financial things you are referring to, and do financial planning for the long term for when dad needs more care than she can do and needs skilled nursing or memory care. If kids are in other states, look into differences in long term medicaid for those states to see if it makes sense for them to move to one over the other. Some states are better than others for when people need financial help for a spouse to move to long term care. 

Arranging the the travel for mom and dad, if it's very far she will need someone with her for the drive.

If you get along well with the other siblings involved, perhaps you can split the load. Assign tasks to each person so no one has the entire burden but the research and logistics get done. 

jfkoc

Understandably this is overwhelming for your parents. How can you children help?

1. Find a good Elder Law attorney. All legal and financial matters need to be in place...will, living will, health directive, durable power of attorney, trust etc. There are undoubtedly lots of these in Florida.

2. Find proper facilities. Proper in that it provides the kind of care now and in the future.

3. Select a facility. You can do the preliminary work long distance. Call and ask questions. My primary concern is the training staff has. You will want to know the exact program used. If the answer to this is not easily given look elsewhere. I would also drop the name Teepa Snow. If they are not totally familiar with that name cross them off the list.

4.  Request a copy of their application for license. This will tell you exactly what services they must provide. All other services may be an additional cost.

6. Once you have narrowed down the choices one of  you needs to go and visit. Once a formal visit and one a drop in.

7. Evaluate how much needs to be moved and help with the elimination of  everything else. Again, one of you may need to spend a few days in Fl doing this.

8. Once all is in place one of you will need to return to pack up, move and then unpack.

1-5 can be done long distance...6-8 will require the presence of someone.

Those are my ideas. Others will post too so look all over and make a plan.

5. Ask for a copy of the contract and go over it with a fine toothed comb.