How to talk to someone with Vascular Dementia -

LovemyDad2021

Greetings - 

I am a new member, my Dad was diagnosed recently.  I live two hours away (my brother is close and is there for Dad when needed) so a lot of my interaction with Dad is on the phone.  I try to keep conversations upbeat and positive and not bring up his condition unless he brings it up.  I always tell him, I am here for you Dad - anything you need you let me know.  Do I say I am sorry he is having to deal with dementia and continue talking about his condition or is it best to redirect so he does not dwell on it more?  "I am sorry Dad, yes older brother keeps me updated on doctors' visits and everything that is going on?"   "What can I do to help you?"  I struggle on what to say or talk about it............I try reminiscing about older memories, sharing some positive things from my day or share a warming story about a family member.  I don't want to make him sadder or more anxious than he already is - 

Thank you!  

M1

I think you are right not to bring it up and not to dwell on it; many of our LO's with dementia have limited insight into their disease.  If he brings it up, you can say something about his "memory trouble" and leave it at that.  I also wouldn't offer "help" that you're not in a position to give if you're not local...your brother on the other hand may need your assistance a lot in terms of planning, etc.  Does your brother have POA?  If not this is one of the first things to take care of.  Good luck, and welcome--

star26

I agree with M1. When my Dad expressed concern that he did not remember something, or that his memory was failing in general, I told him that I would be his memory for him. I also provided other reassurance by letting him know that he would always be taken care of and I wasn't going to leave him. But I was in a position to be able to follow through on that promise. I think those reassurances helped him in the beginning. If someone is aware they have dementia, they are right to have fear and depression about it. Don't dismiss what he may need to communicate about it. Later on, my Dad was more unaware of his deficits.