How to deal with anger and emotional outbursts from my mom

lukasg84

Hello. I hope someone has made similar experiences and can share their experiences and how to deal with them. I''m not sure how to handle my mother''s emotional and angry outbursts. Because we live in different countries, I only able to speak with my mom over the phone. I call her every day but I''m at a point where reassurance, being agreeable, or changing the subject does not work anymore. I would appreciate your replies.

star26

Do her caregivers report that she has angry outbursts with them too or does it seem to only be on the phone with you?  If she is upset most of her days, on and off the phone, she may need some medication to make her more comfortable. If it's just happening in your calls, I'd end the call as soon as she gets upset and maybe back off the calls for a while. I read your bio information. I hope your Mom has other family nearby that can assist in her care and checking on her?  If not, I don't blame you for being worried. It sounds like a dangerous living arrangement for her and one that is not going to last very long. People with dementia often do not agree with changes necessary to keep them well and safe, including living arrangements. But, it's our responsibility as legal representative and loved one to look out for their best interests and make necessary changes anyway.

lukasg84

Thank you for your response. She has these outburst with everybody but with me she has no filter. These outbursts are not directed towards me always. They are directed towards other people and whatever she doesn't like. For example, she would say that her caretaker eats too much and is too fat. She would also say that her caretaker is there too often even though she is the one who calls her to come. Or she would complain that uncle steals from her. She usually gets angry and than starts crying saying that I'm the only one that she say anything to. Also, she is already on antidepressant and anxiety medication. If she takes a stronger dosage she is like a zombie, which we don't want either. The doctors tried different medication but this one seems to work well, just not in higher dosages.

Also, in regards to people checking in, her caregiver is there almost every day and my uncle visits her every 2 to 3 days. My brother and I, since we live here in the US and she is in Germany, call her every day at least once. And her neighbor is also checking up on her once in a while. My brother and I would be going there more often but with COVID the risk was too high, especially because she also has cancer. Once we get the vaccines, we will travel as much as possible.

I hope that information helps a bit more to clarify.