looking for one on one caregiver therapy

FranM

I've been taking care of my 93 year old mom with the help of daytime aides for almost 4 years now and her dementia is progressing a lot faster now. I have little emotional assistance and am very stressed and depressed and need someone professional to support and help me. I feel that due to Covid there must be some virtual help out there. Any suggestions?

Joe C.

Fran, I have been seeing a therapist for 2-1/2 years and it has been a great help to me. My therapist will still see me in person or via video, which ever ways I prefer. First I would check with your health insurance company and ask if you have coverage to see a therapists. If so, you want to find someone in their network. When I was looking for a therapist I used insurance providers “approved” and PsychologyToday.com to read reviews and ultimately pick someone. Best of luck.

FranM

joe

that's a wonderful suggestion. I'm going to do that right now. Thank you so very much !

Ed1937

Fran, I read your profile. You said " no help from siblings and she''s getting a lot worse and i''m really getting destroyed lately.....". You absolutely have to take care of yourself first. If it's getting that bad, you might get some respite for a while, and that should help a little. Remember that your health is as important as hers, if not more. Where would it leave her if you got to the point that you needed hospitalization, or otherwise unable to help her? 

Please reach out to your siblings, if you have some. Don't paint the picture as a rose garden. Put it all out there for them to see/hear. Tell them you just need to rest for a while, and they need to step up to help.

Joe gave you some good advice. Take it. Then come back to let us know how things are going.

Jane Smith

Hi Fran.  I’m sorry to hear about your and your situation. If nobody has said, welcome!

It is so hard to be a caregiver. My mom is younger than yours, but in late stage dementia. She’s been in her facility for six years now, and of course had dementia, and problems from it, before that. It’s been a long road as a carer. 

Last summer I got overwhelmed and started on medication for anxiety and depression, and also started seeing a therapist again. All my appointments have been virtual and it’s been fine, honestly better than I expected for remote therapy. I got recommendations from my OB/GYN, who has been aware of my stress all along, and also from the grief counselor at hospice.

I also agree with checking with your insurance company. Even if they only pay for a few sessions, that’s better than nothing, and you may be able to submit claims to have a portion of the bill paid, and/or have it go towards your deductible. If you have a flexible spending/health savings account, therapy may be an allowable way to spend those monies. 

Let me also suggest you go online, or call, the Alzheimer’s association, and find a support group or groups for yourself. Again, they are virtual, which means you can attend one anywhere. You might prefer one local to yourself for when we can meet in person, but I’m regularly attending groups that are located in different states, so don’t dismiss that. You can even find groups for caregivers who are adult children, for people in a facility, people in early/middle/late stages, and so on.  I would not do this in place of one on one therapy, but in addition.  It can be extremely validating to be in the room, even virtually, with people who really know where you are coming from. There are times when the only place I don’t feel crazy or overwhelmed, is in a support group. 

We hear a lot of messages about how important it is to take care of ourselves, but it can be a challenge to actually do it. Good for you for getting help. We are of no use to others if we let this disease destroy us, as well as our family/loved ones with dementia. 

Best wishes.