Thoughts on A PLACE FOR MOM service

ebplionis

Hi everyone, 

Everyone has been so helpful so far, I feel so lucky to have found this forum.  I'm starting to look for facilities, probably memory care for my mother, as its only a matter of time at this point, I want to have my ducks in a row when we need to have her move for her safety (I would love for her to live with my family, but we have a tiny tiny 2 bedroom townhouse for my growing family).  I would love to try "a place for mom" as I'm craving someone to guide me through this, and the area of aging in my area only provides this help for those who are needs based (we will be at some point, but not yet).  I am suspicious of the service however.  Are they only going to point me to places that subscribe to their service, and not help look at all options.  Has anyone used them?  Are they any good?

dayn2nite2

They will only steer you to private pay places that pay them a commission.  Not all options.

If your LO will need Medicaid to be placed or Medicaid after they exhaust their funds, they don't deal with Medicaid. 

You're right to be suspicious.

I found a NH that took Medicaid by asking around and 2 families mentioned the NH I ended up using.  There were people who came there private pay and when their money ran out they transitioned to Medicaid paying and didn't have to leave the facility.

Also, while memory care is lovely, it is a marketing term and is different at different facilities as far as the environment and services.

These days, most nursing homes have a majority of residents who have some level of dementia, so they are also able to care for people with dementia.

RobOT

A place for Mom is a business and nothing else.  The people who are "there to help you" are as territorial as car salesmen and just as persistent.  The places they represent pay a hefty fee for clients, and the clients are the ones footing that bill.  Asking around, reading reviews, and visiting places are more likely to get you a satisfactory placement.

elisny

I would stay away from for-profit services like "A Place for Mom."  Check out local non-profit organizations for their feedback and suggestions.  Be sure to really check places out; request to talk to family members.  Many "warehouses for the aged" promise the moon, but provide a well of loneliness and neglect.  This is painfully sad, but true.  Note that if you live in a smaller city or town, your chances of decent care are generally better - because staff often know resident so-and-so's neighbor, sister, children, etc. It is less impersonal.

 I also suggest doing research to find a place that truly understands dementia and has well trained staff.  You may get some ideas for exploring by checking out these links:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbes-personal-shopper/2021/02/18/best-womens-slippers-amazon/?sh=1bf13f6a2b0d

https://www.crosskeysvillage.org/memory-care/

https://www.healthcaredenmark.dk/news/denmark-s-first-dementia-village-inaugurated/

Take care and best of luck to you.

harshedbuzz

There is no short cut to finding an appropriate facility for your mom. Best practices is to talk with people who have placed loved ones in memory care specifically; large CCCs may have areas that are "better" than others on campus- like excel at rehab or hospice but just average at MC or SNF for a short list and then tour, tour, tour. I found the local IRL ALZ group members knew all the best places and the pitfalls of the others. 

I am not a fan of A Place for Mom. They offer a limited list of outfits that pay them a commission, but worse they give your contact information to them as well which means you will be getting calls. I had one MCF that called me to "check in" long after dad died.

feudman

Welcome aboard! 

I'm sure there are a few folks that found some benefit from APFM, but in my experience, they earned the "predatory" label. In fact, just moments after typing my phone # into their website, they called (big turnoff!). The calls continued until I blocked them. On top of that, they lied to me, both about their listings  only including clients, and about their intimate knowledge of each property, as they claim in their ads (my salesperson had IBSalot disease!).

You can use the green search button to read similar threads (search all forums using "A Place for Mom" as keywords). In many markets, their client list omits the premier facilities, because they dont need to pay for referrals to fill beds. 

You can also search for threads about how to find and vet potential places. Be aware that in-house marketing staff are salespeople, and can do what lawyers call "puffing," meaning they may stretch the truth in talking up their respective properties.* Even pre-covid, they seldom give you permission to roam unescorted, so your best chance to speak with residents & family members is in the lobbies or parking lots. If you ask everyone you know, you may turn up some contacts that work in this field, or had placed a loved one somewhere in your area. 

If you can find & join a local support group, they can be an invaluable source of info on all types of local support. The facilitator will have the input of past & present members to share. 

While it's true that you can always switch if you make a mistake, moves can be traumatic, so you want to find a "continuing care" (aging in place) facility that you have confidence in. Best wishes to you.

*At one place their staff really put the pressure on me to commit, saying repeatedly "well, you're very lucky we have a bed now, but if you wait..."

windyshores

I clicked on them by mistake and it causes a lot of trouble with calls from facilities and messages from APFM. I managed to end the contacts.   The rep at APFM didn't even live in our state and just recommended places that contracted with them. I had more knowledge than she did.

It's hard during COVID but maybe virtual tours and meeting outside with director, admissions and/or nursing director are possible. Read reviews too.

Jo C.

My personal experience with APFM was unfortunately quite negative in our case; I personally would never use them or others like them again. There are multiples of this type of business, and it is a business as you can see by the TV commercials and other ads. Perhaps others will have had better experiences and come along to share those with you. The following is only my experience.

First, the consultant for APFM gave me a list of facilities that was vastly incomplete from what would have been available on the open market.  The facilities on that list were ONLY those facilities that had a contract with APFM who would pay APFM a placement fee only if a patient was placed with their facility.

Many fine facilities are not contracted with APFM and have no reason to be as their census is usually up and beds filled or nearly so. I did not find any non-contracted facilities on the list I was given. 

What was rather stunning was that the list I received did NOT include names of multiple good facilities that were in the community that I knew by name and it took me a bit to realize this. Turned out, that I was missing some very fine facilities and had to rework my approach.

I was also given glowing information about various care settings by the APFM consultant that was not at all accurate for what we found. This led us to go to some referred sites that were far less than acceptable; glowing information not proving to be at all accurate.

If your LO has assets and can manage private pay facilities, that is great. However; if your LO is going to be admitted as Medicaid, or will need to go from private pay to Medicaid as they will run out of assets, then it is necessary to look only at those facilities that are not only private pay, but that also have a contract with Medicaid in your LOs state.  This is what we did as our LO would run out of assets after a time.

It will take a little time and making calls; that is part of the process, it is manageable and you will learn so much by doing this.

One can talk to members in support groups, (they meet online these days); one can contact several local medical centers and ask to be put in touch with an RN Case Manager and/or Social Worker.  Let them know your need for placement and type of placement whether private pay or private pay with Medicaid.  They often will not make an outright recommendation of one facility over another, BUT you can ask, which of the nursing home care facilities do families seem most happy with, this is more acceptable.  Some of these professionals will be more forthcoming than others.

You can also contact the Alzheimer Assn. office closest to where you live and they may possibly have some suggestions for particular needs.

 Some Assisted Living Facilities have RN management and some have a Social Worker for some hours; you can make calls to ALFs, explain your situation and ask about the quality of NH or Memory Care facilities they see their residents most often transfer to when necessary that families are happy with.

NOTE:  Many care facilities are permiitting a family member to do a small tour of their facility if the family member is thinking of admitting their LO; some do not  This permission may vary; but I would explain when asking for a limited tour, that I had not been exposed to anyone with COVID, and that you will wear double masks and abide by their mandates.  If you have been isolated in the house with no one coming in, all the better; but always be honest about this. 

If you do make a tour of a facility, when it is coming to a close, request to see the results of their last inspection. By law, this must be done upon request.  It is not at all an insult, it is expected by those who have knowledge that such a request is available.

When reading any inspection results, be aware that ALL facilities will get some negative findings; all of them.  It is a matter of degree as to what the findings were about and then how the facility corrected the recommendations; that will be in the report. Remember: all facilities will have negative findings.  That would be so for even acute hospitals or if the inspection team came into our homes.

You can also use the .gov site that rates care facilities, but caution on that one.  The information/data provided to that site is provided by the care facility themselves and no one checks for accuracy. Very disappointing.  If on this list a facility receives a highly negative rating, since data is self-reported and not checked, I personally would avoid that facility.

Times are rough on faclities during these pandemic times; however, most of them, if well run, have come to terms with the issues and are up and running and doing pretty well. Do ask about their visitation rules and how they are approaching the pandemic issues - is there a "no visit" rule, or rules for limited visits by one person only?  If no visits, do they arrange for window visits or electronic visits is another question to ask.  Some facilities will keep their new residents in a private sort of isolation for 14 days before mingling with other residents; others do not do that.  Patients are often tested for COVID prior to or at admission.

Ask about the room assignments. If your LO is very high functioning and aware, will she be placed in a room with a like or nearly like resident?  (This is so that she does not end up in a room with someone who is badly confused and agitated and yelling out much of the time.)

Ask if they are still congregating for activities and if not, how they manage the activities and socialization for their residents.  Ask about the dining room and how things are managed there for the residents.  If your mother is high functioning, once she is accepted to a facility that is using their dining room, ask for her to be sat at a table with like residents; that can make a difference; it did for my mother.

When your mother is accepted to a facility, prior to admission, have a typed list of your mother's likes and dislikes, etc. to give them; what soothes her if upset and what tends to be upsetting for her. Anything notable can be listed. Give this list to the DON as well as to the supervision licensed nurse on your mother's care unit.

Be seen as a positive family member.  Compliment caregiving aides as warranted, give good feedback to Admin. when warranted.  If there is a care issue, it is often workable to discuss that with the assigned aide rather than complaining to the supervising staff if a minor issue.  I also always liked to bring in treats for staff now and then, BUT:

In COVID times, any treats you bring in for staff  MUST be in individual wrappers from the manufacturer, they cannot accept anything that is not wrapped in individual servings.  You may not be able to go inside the facility with the treats, but you can drop them off at the door along with a nice note to staff, stating who the treats are from.

There will be a Care Meeting a few weeks after admission, probably now done electronically. This is usually multidisciplinary and they will outline their treatment approach re the resident's needs; you will give your input on what you feel; this together then formats the resident's ongoing plan of care.  These meetngs happen at intervals usually several times a year.

Be a presence whether in person or electronically if cannot do the in person visits; those who are visibly active in regard to their family member are going to have a more robust approach to their LOs care. That is simply human behavior.

If I can find some good references to facility admission, I will send them on to you; I shall have to see if I still have some I found very helpful.

In the meantime, do come here to talk to the Members as there are so many with much experience who are farther down the road so to speak. We are all here in support of one another.

It will take a bit of time, no matter which way you choose to go,  you will get it all set; sending warm thoughts your way from one daughter to another,

J.

Jo C.

Here are three xlnt resources when looking for a care facility.  NOTE:  the third one is a literal bible of how and what for day of placement and then after placement - priceless information; it is quite long, but well worth reading:

https://www.kiplinger.com/article/retirement/T027-C000-S004-how-to-choose-a-memory-care-unit.html

 

 

Consumer Guides | FloridaHealthFinder.gov

 

 

http://www.illinoiscares.org/book/chapter01  

J.

Rockym

If you can navigate this website you can navigate communities by yourself.  Find the area you are interested, look at google maps and then hit the pavement. Call/visit each and every one and feel out which is best.  I did this for my mom and had about 10 places on my list.  I moved her into the "best" for that moment in time. After a year or so, she needed another place and I had my handy dandy list and the move wasn't as stressful because I had already done my legwork. Moved her one more time as her needs changed and that is where she passed.

A place for mom is just like everyone here says... nothing but a recruiting tool.