Mom said she is done eating

Tross760

Yesterday mom only drank about 1/4 of her chocolate ensure. This morning I asked if she was hungry. She just flat out told me no and she mumbled that she is done eating. She is sleeping almost around the clock, completely out of it when awake. She will drink water and does mumble that she wants her meds, but even the water is declining. She urinates still, but has failed to bm in several days. If she doesn’t eat tomorrow, I am assuming we are on her final decent? I am. Or sure it really improves from here huh? I have never been in this position before. The unknown is difficult at times. I am praying my mom is at peace inside as she goes through this.

chrisp1653

Tross, if I didn't know better, I would say you were describing what happened with my Barbara in the week before she passed.  Oh sure, there had been a slow decline in her eating and drinking habits, but on the evening of her last week, I was barely able to get even 1 of her normal nightly meds down her, and after that, she was almost entirely asleep for the next week. To my recollection, she only woke up once, and even then only long enough to say she wasn't doing very well. After that, nothing until the night I found her gone.

I truly hope your mom doesn't go the same route, but this sounds eerily like what happened here.

Tross760

Oh ChrisP, I am so sorry to hear this. I just have a feeling this week will be a tough week for our family. She barely took her pills this evening and was super agitated until she fell asleep again about 20 minutes later. This disease is horrible. I hope she passes peacefully while she is sleeping and is not distressed. Thank you for sharing with me, it means a lot.

chrisp1653

You know, Tross, I would say for you to try and get ready, but the truth is that no matter how much we think we are ready, it's not enough. I go back in my mind, thinking of all the things I wish I'd said or done when I had the chance. I remember the times I lost my temper, or said something I later regretted.

The real fact is that no one is ready to lose someone they love. It might be a good time to start putting down on paper all of your good memories, because you will want them later - even many years later. Just today I found some things I had jotted down after my dad passed, and some of them brought tears to my eyes.

Good memories are what keep us going and hold us near to the ones who have gone on before us.

Tross760

Agreed, there really is no “ready”. I want her to be at peace, but then it ushers in a. Phase of mourning on the living side. I have spent a lot of time the last few days reflecting on all the goodness and blessings we have had in our relationship. I could not have asked for better. I try my best not to go down the rabbit hole of all the things I will no longer be able to do with her. That creates a crippling sadness.

TessC

Dear Tross, I too lost my mom after years of being her caregiver.  It was so, so very sad-a real heart break- but my mom's life was pitiful and when I placed myself in her position-I realized that I would be ready to die. I don't mean to to say you will have the same feelings as I did, but it helped me to accept mom's passing.   I took a picture of our hands together and I cherish it. I hugged mom as much as I could and even after death. I'll never forget her hugs.  I pray your dear mother will be comfortable till the very end. My mom went into a coma after 3 days when she stopped eating and drinking. After that it was just another 3 days. I wish you peace in the days or weeks ahead.

Bholmes

Tross,

I am very sorry you are going through this. The symptoms you are describing are very similiar to my my dear DW Lydia. She passed 4 months ago yesterday and I still cry multiple times a day. I am so lost and hurt so much. I am getting grief counseling but it doesn't seem to help much.

When my wife began refusing to eat and drink enough water and could no longer get up out of bed is when I called a Hospice organization that I arranged for care with. My wife was only on Hospice for 5 days and I miss her so much...

Take care of your self and I pray for you and your mom.

Tross760

The Lord called his sweet daughter home this morning, she is in peace now. My mother is an amazing woman

ladyzetta

(((DearTross)))))

You took real good care of your mother I am sure her passing is going to be very hard on you. But as you said she is in a better place. Your Mother passed in peace knowing that you Loved her. Please take care of yourself. Hugs Zetta 

Bholmes

I am so very sorry for your loss.

The days and months ahead will be hard also, but in a different way than caregiving. 

Just try to take care of yourself. 

You deserve it.

RetiredGopher2010

A quote from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross: "The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never be the same.  Nor should you be the same.  Nor would you want it."

With deepest sympathy

ChrisBme

My deepest condolences (((Tross)))

TessC

Tross, I am very sorry for the loss of your dear, sweet mother. I know you are very busy now, but please know there are many people here who care and understand and I hope you will come back and tell us how you are coping. I wish you well and God bless your mother.

Tross760

Hi TessC, 

Well, I am just kind of here. I thought going through the process of losing mom might make it real, but it is three weeks out and it is just starting to hit home that she is actually gone. I do ok some days, then other days I am all tears. I struggle to keep up with caring for dad. I have sought someone to talk with and am doing my best to treat myself kindly. 

TessC

Tross, I have sent an invite to "friend" me and if you do, I will send you my phone number and we can chat about our amazing moms. It takes time, a lot of time for the tears to stop. So we might even cry together. It's all good-we cry because we love.

RetiredGopher2010

Grief and loss have no timelines. Some days - some moments - are fine and you feel stable. Other times, you feel troubled and overwhelmed. Know that the intensity and duration of your loss are personal and painful.  There are no shortcuts to grieving. Find security in friends you can trust.  I've been surprised by some people who have not been turned off by my sadness, but have listened and walked with me.  I've also been surprised by people who've said odd and hurtful things.  Stick with the folks who provide compassion.  They will give you strength and comfort. This is not an easy path.