Dealing with delusions(2)

Lynners

This is my first post here. My husband has Frontotemporal Dementia. I understand that you should not argue with a LO with dementia, however some of his delusions are harmful and I can't just let them slide. First he has been telling me that when I am at work women are coming into the house. He does not know how they ae getting into the house and says he is not letting them in. He does not know why they are here or what they are doing. I know this is not happening and try to explain that he is wrong but he will not listen to me.

2nd I discovered this morning that he has started wearing 2 patches of his medication instead of just the one that is prescribed. I told him not to do that because he is overdosing. He insists that the doctor told him to wear 2 patches. The Doctor did not tell him that. I was at the appointment to prevent problems like this and it is still happening. My DH says that if I think he is wrong I should call the doctor. I looked up the visit summary from our appointment this past week. The doctor documented that patient was taking a 9.5 mg dose and doctor has just increased the dose to 13.5. We have not yet picked up the new dosage. I showed my DH that his prescription was increased from 9.5 to 13.5 and that by using two 9.5 patches he is overdosing because he is now taking 19 mg. His response was, "So what!" and reiterating to me that he is doing what the doctor told him to do. I have sent a message to the doctor in the mean time asking him to send a message back with proper instructions for taking medication. Not that my husband will believe it, but I had to try.

How does one deal with these kinds of issues. BTW I have to work so I cannot stay home with him or afford to send him somewhere. Feeling very frustrated.

M1

Hi Lynners and welcome.  Sounds very tough, I hope others will have suggestions for you.  

I had a battle with my partner about my taking over control of her medicines, but I finally won out over safety issues, of which there were several (and I could pull professional status, as I'm a doc).  We have separate bedrooms and bathrooms, and I had to physically remove all of the bottles etc. from her room and put them in mine, along with a weekly pill dispenser that she could no longer use (can't remember the day of the week).  None of the meds were topical though; maybe you could ask his doctor if there's something you could switch to pill form (many times there is).  Now, I just hand her a medicine cup morning and night, and I dole out any as-needed things during the day.  It was the only safe way to do it, and she's pretty much acquiesced now.  She says I could poison her if I wanted (but I don't).

It sounds in general like he is getting close to not being safe to be alone while you're working.  I wonder if a day care program, if open, would be affordable?  It might be worth a discussion with someone local--like your local Alzheimer's Association--to see what the options might be, there might be some low-cost ones.  Or I wonder if there might be volunteers who would come stay with him--either friends, family, or church folks?  It's just a thought.  Probably a bridge you're going to have to cross at some point, so it wouldn't hurt to investigate.

Another way to get suggestions might be the Alzheimer's Hot Line, which is 1-800-272-3900.  This is a free service, and you can ask to speak to a care consultant.

Good luck, and again, welcome.

Lynners

Thank you for your response. I appreciate it.

terei

You will have to hide the meds you dont want him to have access to.  Be creative.  (In your purse? under your mattress?) whatever.  Reasoning with him is not going to work, as you have discovered.

As far as the delusions about people coming to the house, stop arguing.  If he says someone came to the house, the answer is ‘huh! I will have to look into that.  maybe they are selling something door to door’.  Unless he is calling the police about it or becoming aggressive, there is no reason to go further with your conversation about it.

Rescue mom

It’s really hard (at least for me) but there usually comes a time when you cannot explain or argue with him. You learn to say, “oh wow, how about that?” Or “huh, I’ll look into that.” Or “that’s really something. I’ll see about it.” Let it go. Ditto to what Terei said. Thinking someone has been in the house isn’t harmful, except it may be upsetting to him. There are Rx meds that can help with disturbing delusions, or if they make him aggressive with you. That’s obviously dangerous. 

As for the meds, that can indeed be harmful. Sounds like they should not be where he can get them. You can maybe hide them, but don’t underestimate their ability to go through things like drawers, purses, shelves, etc. They’re also likely to take certain objects and put them somewhere else. This “hunt and gather” behavior is pretty common. Some caregivers put meds in devices that can be locked, so only you have access.