When our loved one makes wanting to end it all or suicidal statements

Dick’s son John

Hi.

I’m new here. My dad, 82, is in the middle to late stage. He often has awareness of his disease and at times realizes it’s never getting Betty and feels very down. Lately he makes statements that he just wants to “end it all.” Mom and I don’t know what to say.

RobOT

Welcome, first of all, you will find lots of wisdom and support here.  This is a common feeling among people with awareness of their disease--it's often more kind when they don't know what's going on.  There are several ways to address this.  It sounds like depression--who wouldn't be sad in his situation--and that can often best be treated with medications.  It's good to see a geriatric psychologist for this since they have much more experience with this issue than a primary doctor or a regular psychiatrist.  (Older people may respond very differently to drugs than someone even in their 50's or 60's)  Reassure him of his value to the family as a person, and find things to keep him busy, if possible.  Folding clothes, jigsaw puzzles, sorting mail, going for walks are examples of things he may be able to be distracted with.  Make sure you and your mother have permission to sit in with him on doctor visits and to discuss him with the medical establishment.  Sooner than later you should get a power of attorney, maybe for your mother s well as your father, depending on how she is doing.  Good luck with this, hope you can find a way to help your dad feel better.

jfkoc

Hi John.....my suggestion is to contact 

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

I feel certain they will by able to advise you on how to help your father with his feelings of not wanting to live.

Other than that I would listen to what your father is saying trying to hear the emotions beneath his words.  Often times I found that merely validating my husband's feelings was very helpful to him. 

I guess we all want this otherwise we feel invisable.

feudman

Hello John and welcome.

Usually, by mid to late stage, they have developed anosognosia (an unawareness of their impairment) and this can be a blessing. But if they haven't, this is an understandable reaction. Just because they have cognitive impairment, you cant dismiss these warnings. He may be wanting more attention or to be "talked off the ledge," but my spouse, without warning, actually made 4 attempts, one of which was nearly successful. 

Does he ever mention the method he was would employ? You may need to "safe proof" the house, and keep an eye on him when he is in depressive mode. Maybe he will open up to a therapist or psychiatrist. The suicide hotline can counsel you and there is info online. Be cautious, this is challenging. I remember.

M1

I take this very seriously; my partner says it too.  Though having dealt with other seriously suicidal family members, in her saner moments she backs off of it.  But I have the guns locked up (they are occasionally needed on a farm) and the pills are not where she can get them.  Older males are much more likely to follow through on suicidal intentions though.  Sometimes hard to know when this is real, but you don't want to be wrong.