Responding to LO's confusion

lyonQueen927

Newbie here and I searched but couldn't find an answer...I apologize. What is the best way to respond when my mom asks me questions thinking I am someone else? She thinks I am her niece and will ask me direct questions about her. If I answer as myself, she then says something like, "Well, I didn't know you worked there, too. That's where B (me) worked" or "Now how could you be married to D, too?" I don't want to add to her confusion, but I don't know what to say.

Cynbar

Usually the best approach is to jump into her reality and just go along with what she is saying. Don't try to reason with her or contradict her, she won't be able to process what you are saying. Her brain isn't working right, the old rules are out the window. Change the subject when you can, deflect and defer. It's the kindest thing to do ----- telling her she is mixed up, arguing with her, trying to make her understand will all just upset her and agitate her. One of the hardest things is when our LO doesn't recognize us, but unfortunately it happens all the time. And, as much as possible, don't show her how much this upsets you because that alone will agitate her.

JoanneRose

Hi, I totally agree.  When I started on this journey with my Mom, I was advised to throw out all rules when entering her AL/MO - I was entering her world.  Please do not try to argue or correct your LO...agree, it just makes your LO agitated or more confused.  I've learned to say, "Everyone is fine - doing great!" - Even if they have passed.  Refrain from stating so-and-so has passed - in our LO's mind, it "just happened" and is very upsetting.  -  Also agree, changing the subject is always a good thing.  I've learned to take photos with me on my visits - from the "old" days.  Mom seems to enjoy the photos even if she's not sure who the people are.

I am NO expert.  I give this advice only from my experience, and ALL the many mistakes I made.

Dhsk2000

BBut it makes me so sad. I've been crying all day because she keeps looking for H (me) but not seeing me as her only child. She also doesn't recognize our home. She wants to drive home tonight, but we don't have another house. She just asked when her sister would be back. Usually if I'm quiet, she remembers her sister is dead. Tonight she got upset and mad at me. 10 minutes later she asked me where her sister lived I tried"going with it" and told her NC. She said she doesn't live there anymore. Then she said I thought she died!  I'm going crazy it's really hard I'm pretty much a black and white person. Tell the truth or don't say anything. She went through my purse, but wouldn't tell me what she was looking for. She saw the driver's license and said, so now you're going by SK(my last name) and I cried and told her to look at me. We look alike, I'm her daughter and there is no one else. She just asked me if her sister said anything to me when we got here. We haven't left the house in 3 weeks.