Now I know

Whyzit

DH had a heart attack in Nov. followed by UTI and pneumonia. I knew this all had caused a downturn but wasn’t certain of the extent. Before all this he regularly made us breakfast including fruit bowls and cheese omelets but he hasn’t tried since Nov. Today I made the fruit bowl and asked him to do the omelette because I wasn’t feeling well. Everything was already on the counter. He stood there like he didn’t know what to do. I told him to spray the pan and turn on the burner. He again stood there and finally did it. Then I said crack the eggs and scramble them. He cracked an egg onto the counter and then tried to pick it up with his hands to put it in the bowl. Now I know. Too many steps....

After eating I said to him, that was a good looking omelette you made. He smiled at me and said, I hope you enjoyed it. I smiled at him and said thank you. Now I know.

 I didn’t have an omelette. I had cottage cheese and toast.

When did you know?

Ed1937

Yes, it's hard. My wife asked me if I wanted pancakes (not a box mix) for breakfast. I told her that would be fine if she felt like making them. She opened the fridge, took out the buttermilk, then stood there. Finally she said she didn't know what to do. I told her that was OK. I made bacon and eggs. That was mid Dec. 2019. These losses are really hard. She hasn't tried cooking since.

Marie58

DH was always able to do almost everything around the house, even minor plumbing and minor electric issues. He was diagnosed in June 2016. That same summer he was unable to replace wiper blades on our car, assemble a new BBQ grill, and assemble a shed that came in a kit. Prior to that, he would have done all those things and may or may not have used the directions that came with the grill and shed. He was farther along than I realized when he was diagnosed. Now he's Stage 6/7 and in MC.

Potsie

DH was always a big help around the house. One day in 2016 I asked him if he could add fabric softener to the washer. He told me that I would have to show him because he didn't know what that meant. That was a sad moment. He was diagnosed about a year later. There were many other signs and incidents but that one got to me. I think we could have had a diagnosis sooner but he would cut out of his appointments before assessments were completed. He is in late 6 early 7. I love him to pieces.

Beachfan

When did I know?  It’s s been for so long that I can’t even remember.  Sad.

CStrope

My reality hit when DH went to the dump and didn't come home for 2 hours.  He had left the lights on in the car, so the battery ran dead.  Couldn't leave the dump because the car wouldn't start. Couldn't call for a ride because he forgot his phone, and tried to use someone's that was there but couldn't remember any phone numbers.   Finally walked the 4 miles home.  When he finally got home, I asked him our address.....he didn't know it

M1

My partner forgot our best friend's name this week. That was a new low here....every little loss is heartbreaking. One more synapse gone.

ladypeewee

I knew in 2013 When my Peewee left to go to the store and didn't come back home for s long time. When he finally did make it back. He told me that Walmart was closed and so He couldn't get the things he went after. our walmart is a 24 hour store. Then I found out that he got lost coming home, and had to turn around and go back to walmart and start over again so he could find his way home.Then it hit home when He started getting lost in our home like going from our bedroom to the bathroom he would get upset every time that he would open the hall closet door. and couldn't figure out what he was trying to do. he was diagnosed January 2014

amicrazytoo

There's been so many losses, I think I have blocked out the first time I realized something was wrong. Perhaps it's best I don't remember. Each and every loss is a heart breaker. I have consciously chosen to accept that I must change to accommodate his current stage. He can't change, so I do.  

billS

The first time I stopped being in denial about my wife's condition was when she phoned me from her car saying she could not find her friend's house to attend a book club meeting. Did not recognize the streets even though we had been to the friend's home dozens of times over the past 25 years. That was about two years ago and was a real wake up call - um no, this is not just age related memory loss.

Now there are new signs of decline all the time. A month ago she asked if she needed a passport to walk 1/4 mile down to a neighbor's place. Just now she asked me if I knew how to look up where she had to go this morning for her first class. I patiently explained that she is not enrolled in any school, we're retired and this is our home, there are no schools anywhere around here, etc. She looked very confused but then said, "good, I have not had time to study anyway."

Rescue mom

Two things, kind of connected: DH left to go to his doc and our CPA, almost  next door to each other, 4 miles away, and where he’d been going for 30 years. He came back too soon, in tears. He didn’t know where he was supposed to go, not know where he was, and unsure how he got home.

I knew there had been some problem with our tax prep, which is why DH was supposedly was going to CPA. When I met with the CPA, he showed me what DH first gave him for our tax prep: a couple of magazines, birthday cards, a newspaper photo, aAnd one very old pay stub.

when I asked DH where our W2s, SS statements, mortgage, etc., were, he said he did not know what those things were and I would “have to find out about that.”

Yes, he’d been “absent minded” earlier, and not helping around house like before, but he said he didn’t feel good, and/or just didn’t want to do (whatever) anymore. Family said normal aging, but getting lost ended that claim. Subsequent tests and scans showed major brain loss, although his social skills stayed intact much longer.

The CPA said later he is sadly often the one who tells spouse something is serious wrong.

Whyzit

Thank you for your responses. I wept while reading them. I don’t know where the line is between what DH should do for himself and what I should do for him. It is so frustrating because that line keeps moving.

Rescue mom

Whyzit, what you are experiencing, I went through in my DHs earlier stages. He *could* do some things, sometimes. But usually he could not, or did not, and I was always trying to figure out if he really could not do whatever, or did he just not *want* to do it. 

I recall getting really upset with the docs when he was Dx, because then, in my ignorance, I thought, now that they know Alzheimer’s, they can tell me what he can or can’t do, and when. Of course now I know it does not work that way.

It’s an unending train of second thoughts, or second guessing, and it’s hard, and stressful. In some ways, I think it’s easier on the caregiver when they really cannot do it, and it’s obvious. Of course that means the disease is progressing, so.....but I know what you mean. I can only offer sympathy and support. It’s real, and it’s very hard.