Help and advice

PossumFan

Hello all, new here. I need some tips. My boyfriend, who is 53, might have the early onset of dementia. He said hes been having brain fog, and I've noticed hes been kind of misplacing things like his keys and whatnot. His sister and her fiance and their young daughter just moved out and are back in Kentucky. Hes having trouble concentrating at work and remembering orders (hes a waiter). The other night he had trouble spelling a word and I had to help. Im 28 and my grandma who passed 2 years ago had dementia so I have experience with the disease. My mom was my grandmothers caregiver and it was sad to see her decline like that. We both know something is wrong. Hes depressed, and I feel like all I wanna do is cry. I want to take him to the doctor, but hes stubborn and won't go. The only thing that makes him happy is shopping for our unborn son (Im 3 months pregnant with our first). I know stress isn't good for me. Hes doesn't really have any other family but his sister and she has no idea something is wrong. I need tips on how to not overstep boundaries. I offered to take him to work today and he said no. Hes capable of driving himself just fine, its just I don't know what tomorrow will bring. Im treating him like hes in the mid stages and I know that's wrong of me to do, its just I know what's coming. We live together, by ourselves with a dog, a puppy and a cat. I refuse to put him in any kind of home I will do my absolute best to take care of him because I love him. His sister literally moved 2 weeks ago but she might have to move back to help me with him. Im capable of showering and dressing him when the time comes, I just worry about him falling. Im not sure if I can pick him up. We have neighbors nearby but they're elderly as well.

dayn2nite2

I'm not going to ask the more obvious questions, but I am going to advise you that you both need to see an attorney so you can establish some way to have legal authority to make financial and health decisions on his behalf.  I am advising this because you have no legal standing in his life as a "girlfriend."

His sister has more authority than you currently, being a legal blood relative.

You have also chosen a father for your child who will not be around by the time the child is in their teens.  And he will be unable to work many more months, how do you plan to take care of a child and work full time (you will need to work, he can't) and then take care of him?

I'm not sure why you feel you can't "overstep" here.  Your first priority needs to be your child and not him.  

EllisA

Please speak with his primary care physician.  Even yours -could help.  I am sure you can help for a long time, maybe forever with help.  The physician may be able to prescribe something to slow down the deteiriation progress.  Mine did.   I was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 12/19/2019.  I am doing fairly well and hope to continue a long time.  Get help ASAP.  CALL TODAY.  GOOD LUCK.  I WILL BE PRAYING.  Ellis@RA1  Bob

RobOT

HHas your boyfriend had covid-19?  It's possible he has the post covid syndrome. He can be tested for antibodies. Perhaps he would be more willing to see the doctor for that.

harshedbuzz

Brain fog can have many causes that are treatable. I would do what it takes to have him seen- he could be suffering from something treatable and reversible like a vitamin or hormone deficiency. 

I agree with the others about consulting with a CELA for Powers of Attorney, Medicaid planning and also to look at disability in case he has to retire early.

LaurenB

Could you approach the situation with your boyfriend that you are concerned for his health and want to go to the doctor with him to see if he has something treatable.  His doctor should want to run some basic blood tests and determine if he has any other condition that can be causing his cognitive decline.  Let him know that you would like the boyfriend to do this WITH you as well as FOR you and the baby.  Having him go to the doctor is what you and the baby need.  If it does turn out to be EOD then this would be the time for him to get his finances set up to assist your baby in the future.

Cynbar

Worst case scenario, he does turn out to have EOD. He will definitely need a diagnosis to guide his treatment and decision making. But a diagnosis will also let him apply for Social Security Disability benefits. Assuming he has paid into the system for enough quarters , he will be entitled to monthly SSDI payments, and so will your child. Of course, this will only happen when he progresses to where he is unable to work, but it will help with your planning. Take the advice above and get him to a doctor using whatever argument will work. Hopefully it is treatable but everything stems from a diagnosis.

September Remember

Please get him to Dr for correct diagnosis. I had diabetes and it was affecting my memory. My mom at 66 had a brain tumor affecting her mind. Not all memory issues are dementia.

mommyandme (m&m)

If it’s White Matter Disease, the spread can be stopped. Better find out the correct diagnosis as soon as possible.

Iris L.

Try to go along with him in the car and see if he is operating the vehicle properly and following the traffic rules correctly.  Any illness which causes "brain fog" may have the capacity to impair driving ability.  

Iris L.