reasonable fiblet?

DHVT

Yesterday we got the pre-evaluation questionnaires for my wife's upcoming memory program visits. The packet included one set for health history, and another for activies of daily living. 

The health questions should be easy for us to agree on, but she's in so much denial about her abilities and the reasons she can't do certain things, that I worried we'd be giving them totally inaccurate answers. 

For example, she'd like to blame her not driving on not having a car anymore, and not cooking on my not "letting her." The truth is that she just can't handle multitasking. She had 2 accidents before she stopped driving, and can barely heat a cup of coffee in the microwave.

Anyway, she asked to see the packet they'd sent, and I had to think fast. I took out the activities forms before handing her the envelope (I'd had it in a different room), and mentioned that they'd be sending me (as husband/co-habitant) a separate form to fill out. This I'll add to the other forms when we go.

I feel uncomfortable with this kind of deceit, but I also feel that we have one chance to give accurate information and, hopefully, get useful guidance. So that's what I did. 

What do you think?

ladyzetta

I think that was a good idea. And now is the time to start with fiblets as you need them . And please don't feel uncomfortable you will need to do this at times to make sure she is getting the best of care.

Kath50

I fib often.  It’s not deceit, it’s preventing confusion, agitation and anger from my mom. In order to keep a peaceful home, I find it necessary. Don’t feel bad about it, you are just looking out for her best interests!

LaurenB

PWD do not have the ability any longer due to brain deterioration to be able to recognize their areas of deficit and to rationalize about it (anosognosia).  You need to be able to obtain the best care for your LO.  This includes how you see the situation as well.  Consider writing a note to the care provider that you can "slip" to them when your LO isn't looking so that they may have the "full picture."  We caregivers have to get crafty at times to keep our LOs safe and happy while still advocating for them.

RobOT

When I take my father to his psychiatrist they always have him fill out a form that includes daily activities.  He fills it out as if he was still getting up to go to work.  In reality he can't find a pair of pants that are hanging up in front of him.  I let him fill it out, then I use a different colored pen to fill it out and write 'caregiver'  at the top with that pen,  No one has complained yet.  You could make a copy of the form, let her fill out one and you fill out the other, giving an even clearer picture of her situation.