Wild imaginings (delusions & hallucinations). Roller coaster...

ButterflyWings

Oh my...

We have been busy just keeping the lid on, and so far, pretty good. However, I am constantly amazed at the very odd "conversations" we have daily. I will be lucky if I don't lose my marbles before this is all over. Maybe already have. lol

In the last 24 hours, DH is "going back upstairs" (doesn't exist); "did I ever notice the picture on the door" (?, the wood grain kind of does look like a mask if you squint. Hard.) Well he says "its a guy and he shouldn't have his penis showing like that" (!); "where did the people go?" (constantly, despite 75 mg of seroquel spread throughout the day) and "what time are they coming back so he can catch a ride back home with them?"; "this house is on top of his house"; he's "late for work"; or "needs to walk around the corner where he left his car this morning"; "I must think he is crazy or dumb, but clearly I'm the crazy one to think he's crazy because he is not" (said in a very emphatic, superior tone as I try super hard to maintain a game face); "you're my favorite cousin", "little sister", "why are you in my bedroom?"; "so you don't sleep with your husband anymore, wife?";  "how do you know the people who live here?" (there's just us, but that also means he doesn't know who in the heck I am at that moment) and my favorite today..."when the guy gets back I'm going to kick his a$$" (stated super matter of fact and calmly. When I asked who and why?), "You know. And he just dropped us off here this morning and the program isn't set up or anything, everything is disorganized and now we don't have a way home". (We haven't left the house in more than a week. Nor ridden with anyone in well over a year.) 

I am laughing to myself most of the time, to keep from crying. But still, in unexpected flashes of pain, suddenly feels like I'm dying inside. Then again, this is easy compared to the really over-the-top hallucinations and exit seeking we have experienced at times. But the calm, creeping insanity is also really hard.

As tough as it is to keep up with the wackiness, I'm grateful for the harmless delusions and hallucinations in hindsight when he gets too quiet and that change then worries me that he might be losing his speech completely, as it was always a real talent of his. Sometimes the word retrieval issues are a real challenge, and DH is a man of few words at those times. 

Then, out of nowhere, he briefly reverted to the monologue habit a couple of days ago. I had forgotten that phase, and just listened for a good 30 minutes or more while he confabulated, with no opportunity to even get a word in. He was just motor-mouth, barely time to catch his breath between sentences. He was crystal clear for quite some time in his reminiscing...so much so, that I got kind of teary-eyed remembering how we used to talk, confide, analyze, strategize, and plan for hours on end. We are now entering the phase of life that we had been so looking forward to, and now...well, you know. All that we planned and worked so hard for, will never be.

So, it is a caregiver superpower to be able to compartmentalize, and just live in the moment on this dementia rollercoaster with our LOs if and when we can, to enjoy the increasingly less frequent windows of clarity and moments almost like the old days, when we can talk about old times and dream of what could/will be. He doesn't need to know what I do, that its just wild imaginings at this point. Sighing. Keep the faith, caregivers.

Edgy

Oh wow, can I ever relate to the hallucinations. My spouse is obsessed with bugs. He constantly tries to show whoever that will listen, the bugs that are crawling on the floor and base board of of our home. I’ve had to call our pest control people to tell them not to come out anymore if My spouse calls about a bug issue. Also he hallucinates throughout the night that our grandkids are in the bed with us. They are young adults. The driving situation is becoming very scary for mead he has already had a couple of fender benders in the last month. He is on a Rivastiine patch and also clonazapam for sleeping. Any other ideas on how to handle this situation?