Need a Break(1)

ugomimi

How do other caregivers deal with their DH wanting to be with you every minute all day long? Its so frustrating to not be able to go into another room without being followed. "What are you doing?" He asks. He wants me next to him all the time. Eat at the table together., take naps together, watch tv together and I feel like Im going crazy. He really isn't  interested with doing anything. My only hope is getting a homecare companion to come and I have to go out somewhere. I sure feel guilty at times. Just needing to vent!!

Boxerlover53

Ugomimi....you are not alone. My DH doesn’t always follow me but he checks on me constantly. Even when I’m in the bathroom. He hated shopping now he wants to go everywhere I go. I realize it’s because I’m his “person”. He feels safe with me. Your DH is most likely feeling the same way. I feel smothered at times but then I try to imagine him not being here anymore and I’m sad. I don’t know what your situation is but if you can find a family member or friend that would stay with him for awhile maybe you can come up with a little fiblet to get away for a couple hours??? Sending you hugs!

Ed1937

My wife wants to know where I am all the time too. I agree that it's a safety net for them. But I'm fortunate because one of our adult sons lives with us, and he'll stay with her if I need to go somewhere.

David J

My DW is by my side every waking minute. I am her person. Since our paid caregiver had an auto accident in December, we have been on our own and she goes everywhere I go.  I have to lock the bathroom door to prevent unwanted intrusion. When I am in the kitchen, moving from sink to fridge to pantry to stove, she’s like a linebacker preventing me from going downfield. She will move out of the way, but always into my next line of movement. If I take something from the fridge and turn to get something from the pantry, she’s in front of me. If instead I turn the other way towards the stove, she’s in from of me. If I stand still too long, I’ll step on her toes as I turn around. Boy, can it be frustrating.  

We have just arranged another caregiver, two afternoons per week. After two months of “togetherness” I’m not sure how DW will take my leaving her with someone else. Even with the last caregiver who we had for a year, she would most times throw a fit when I left the house.   What do I do about it?  Now, nothing; I just live with it. Next week when we he caregiver is here?  I will take any respite I can. 

Rescue mom

Same boat. I confess, and I know it’s not a nice thing to do, but sometimes I have just had to leave the house, walk down the street or in the yard out of sight for a few minutes. I have to, I’m already in therapy and psych says I’m overdue for a break. DH really doesn’t like it if I leave the house, but he forgets very quickly. I also have home aides coming back, and worried how that will go. Pretty much what David said.

billS

I am lucky that we have several good friends and neighbors where I can drop my wife off to visit while I go shopping or to an appointment. That gives me a little alone time and gives her a chance to visit with her women friends (who fortunately are very patient and kind). I do have trouble when I need to do tractor or chain saw work somewhere on our property. No matter how much I try to explain to DW where I will be working and how long I will be, unless I keep checking back on her regularly she is likely to take a deep dive into fantasyland. She might decide she has to meet her (long gone) mother and start walking up the road to the (non-existent) meeting place, or she might start packing up her clothes to go "home". Other times she will come and find me and ask if I know where "Bill" (me) is. It kind of defeats the benefit of me having some alone time when it causes her stress that I then have to deal with.

Greg S

I guess I feel fortunate that my DW is still cognisant of space and time at least for now. She's was diagnosed with EO in late 2018 but is definitely heading down this road. One of my few escapes is to get up early (6am) since she will sleep in past 8am most days. This gives me some alone time and I'm able to do whatever during the early hours (take a walk, exercise, read, etc...). Also, fortunately, she is consistent with repetitive routines and she is taking online cardio-dance classes 4 or 5 times a week (she is a retired professional dancer). This gives me a nice hour-long break mid-day. As, like some (or most) of you, she also has little or no interest or motivation to do things on her own but I am able to draw on some of her early memories and abilities to sit down with a coloring book for hours at a time. I'm finding that providing daily routines helps to free up time for me to be able to schedule chores around the house (i.e. cooking, cleaning, groceries, etc...).

caberr

Yep, he seems to find me no matter where I am!  I like to get up early to have time to myself but there are days when I'm downstairs and I hear him get up 15 minutes after me.  I sit there with my tea and think "Please don't come down now".  I'm sure that sounds horrible but I also am sure you all understand!  

I am lucky he can stay home for an hour or so alone so I can get out to the store.  Sometimes he does ask to come, don't want him to but feel bad he is home all the time so let him.  Then I spend time looking around the store for him!  Haha....the only time I look for him!