Respite. Care

Pipaw

Last time I posted a message, it was about respite care too. Since that time two different people have come. This has been going on for only two weeks. The first time I got a text message from the lady sitting with my wife that everything was going really well. The second time it seemed to be going well also. That’s the caregiver’s perspective.

Now my wife’s perspective: “Did you pay them to come here? Did you invite them here? I always go with you when you go somewhere! I DON’T NEED A BABYSITTER!!! When you’re gone, you’re probably seeing another woman and having an affair with her. Not true! I wasn’t raised that way. 

Is this worth it? She’s definitely childish and really doesn’t want these people back

French

There is your wife perspective, the caregivers perspective and your perspective. Yours is certainly le most important as it’s all about you.

You need respite. We all know. I really don’t know how I could continue if I hadn’t respite. I am lucky, my partner is easy and we also have friends who come. But we are still at the beginning, not sure it will continue when the situation will be worse.

To my mind, if you think the caregivers deserve your confidence, continue and let your wife protesting. Try not to feel guilty, you have not stolen these few free hours. You do it for your health, so also for her. 

Whenever you would have an affair, you continue to take care of her and she is very lucky to have such a husband. 

Ed1937

Pipaw wrote:

I DON’T NEED A BABYSITTER!!! 

That could be the crux of the whole thing. Nobody wants a babysitter. But she/he is not there as a babysitter. They're there to get to know her because they will be there to help YOU, not her. Then reinforce the idea that you love her more than anything else in the world. Just don't put it in a way where she could think that came because you resent yourself for being unfaithful.

AlyJo

I want to try respite care so that I can have a week away.  DH doesn't want to go RVing with the family.  I could use a break away.  He doesn't need someone around full time but 8 days alone is too much.  I was thinking of having a neighbor / friend / relative stop by once a day and bring a meal and visit a while.  I have a few cameras around the house so I can check on him when I am gone at work and we aren't having any problems.  He calls me on the phone and he has a couple of friends that pick him up for lunch a day or so a week.  We don't like him to use the stove and he knows this.  Sticks to that rule most of the time but we can turn the stove electric breaker off to disable it.  He just thinks he broke it.  He talks on the phone constantly to multiple different people.  I think he drives them crazy but I cant stop it.  He and his cousin that is in a more advanced stage of Alzheimer's get along great and can talk for hours.

 I just cant make a decision but I really need to get away.  Have been taking care of things for him for about 5 years now with slow progression in memory loss and confusion.  He can't handle money but he thinks he can.  He can be mean at times and thinks he takes care of himself.  Argumentative at times.  He is mid stage per the doctor.   I need a break.