seeking advice on agitation

new2alz

Good morning,

I want to begin by saying thank you for offering this forum. I have been reading many of the posts for a while now and have finally decided to ask for advice. My LO has progressed to Stage 5 and resides in a memory care unit. Although we know is the best situation, she demonstrates anger and frustration at having been placed. All visits from her spouse end up in a tirade about having been placed and asking why she cannot come home to live. To back up a little, prior to placement, the LO fell at least 30 times and was noncompliant with ADLS and refusing to eat and drink adequately. Her spouse has tried changing the subject, distraction, and even getting up and leaving the room. None of these strategies were successful. In addition to the verbal tirades, she also calls and texts the spouse frequently with similar messages. We have discussed taking the phone away but feel it is a comfort and offers the LO security. Currently, we address by not responding to all of the messaging. I should also share that the staff report no issues and that the LO has expressed gratitude for their care. Any advice on best ways to handle this situation would be appreciated.

LaurenB

It sounds like you have your LO in the correct living facility and that they are ok when they are not interacting with the spouse.  Seems like LO is taking it out on the spouse and that you are making good decisions to try to redirect and ignore the behaviors while making sure that LO is safe.  I agree with you that it is ok for the LO to have a phone.  Continue to ignore the excessive texts and answer them 1-2 times a day.

new2alz

Thank you. It helps to hear that our response is reasonable.

Quilting brings calm

I have not gotten to this stage  with my LO. However, my aunt has been this with her now deceased spouse.  He would become agitated during her visits because he didn’t recognize her.  He knew her name was the same as his wife, but she didn’t look like the wife he remembered.  His memory of her was as a bride decades earlier. 

My aunt reduced her visits because of the agitation. Maybe your LO’s spouse should reduce his visits for a while. 

new2alz

Thank you for sharing. I have suggested that but it isn't well received.