Advice for aggression & psychiatric help

Daddy’sLJ

I am new here but have been reading some posts hoping to find similar experiences... just before Christmas, my father  mistook my mother for an intruder in their home. This was the 3rd time but most aggressive (he did not physically harm her despite the physical threat of it). He was sent to the hospital where it was determined he should go to MC. It’s been a little over 2 months since being admitted to his new home. I’ve been told he does ok if he has his space - sits to himself in the ding area  & drinks coffee or sits in his chair in his room. However, for the most part, he’s not adjusting. He has had 4 or 5 incidents at the home already - either verbal or physical altercations. Usually another patient is equally at fault. The most recent though was bad. He got physical with a female who wouldn’t move from “his seat”. He’s been taken to the hospital to see whether he has a UTI & for a psychological evaluation. He is showing remorse. He doesn’t know what he did but knows he did something bad.  We’ve been told by the home that if it’s not a UTI, then maybe their location isn’t the place for him (they’ve been wonderful so I’m not complaining about them). I am so fearful that he is going to wind up in a State (SC) Psyche ward. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? We are at a loss with what to do. When we speak with him, his anger gets worse and he becomes hyper focused on “going home”. We’ve had to somewhat distance ourselves because of that, unless he asks to speak to my mom. We are feeling a bit helpless right now.

abc123

Hi LJ. Welcome to the boards. 

There is absolutely nothing easy about this disease and I'm sorry you have to be here. I just want to share a few things with you. First of all, you are doing a great job! It is very common for PWD to become hyper focused on wanting to go home. In reality the place doesn't even exist. You are protecting your mom from your dad and protecting your dad from himself. He is no longer capable of keeping himself safe or making good choices. Those days are gone. A visit/stay at a psyche ward that specializes in dementia might be a huge help for your Dad. The doctors there can find the right meds and dosages that could actually improve his quality of life. I'm sorry for you and your parents. Feel free to ask any questions and to rant/vent/let off steam when ever you need to.

Remember you are doing the best you can! Please try not to feel guilty about any of this. Good luck.

M1

Hi LJ, I second every thing that abc said.  There may be medications that could really help him; don't be afraid of a psych admission.  I would suggest that you ask the MC manager if there is a geriatric psychiatrist they work with who could evaluate your dad and perhaps arrange for an admission if needed---a 2-3 week stay may be necessary to be sure his medications are adjusted in a safe setting.  You could also discuss with the manager whether they would hold his room for him (i'm sure they will if you can pay ) or what it would take for readmission if needed.  But you are correct in that aggression is no more tolerable in a facility that it is at home.

Daddy’sLJ

Thank you both so very much. I have delayed my response because so much has happened in such a short period of time. We tried what you said - to get him admitted someplace where they can adjust his medications and then hopefully send him back to his MC. This was such great advice! However, we put our faith in the hands of the people who run the MC, and they never admitted him. It’s been nearly a week. Yesterday, he escaped the home. I had to try to talk him into going back inside and was unsuccessful. Luckily, a sweet staff member was able to do so. Due to protocol, he was again taken to the ER where all tests were again negative (tho the ER doctor told me his dementia has progressed - he used the word chronic). They refuse to keep him at that hospital because he behaved well when he was there. He also had a psych eval while there - we were told he is “unhappy at his MC facility“. No kidding! I told them he’s not going to be happy anywhere and we strongly feel they should adjust his medications. The facility, where the MC home was going to refer him to, has now stated that they don’t feel there’s anything they can do for him. He stayed at that facility prior to being admitted to the MC home and they said he behaved fine, which is their reasoning.The MC did not technically throw him out, however, as long as he is there we have to hire an adult “sitter” for him. So, we are running out of options. The nurse at the ER tried to be helpful. She referred us to “A Place for Mom”. They have already reached out and talked to my mother. I have read mixed reviews about this but we just don’t know what else to do right now. My father is also a veteran, but he served during peacetime so there does not seem to be much help there for him either. Seems like we are hitting dead ends around every corner and just cannot get the help my father needs. I’m afraid this is also killing my mother who is not in the best of health. Any thoughts?

Pearzee

Hi, Daddy'sLJ.  We went though the exact thing with my dad.  He thought my mother was having an affair and wanted to hire a private investigator to follow her.  He had never been violent in his life but would attack other patients in the MC unit and was transported to the local hospital multiple times for "medication adjustments" that never helped.  His MC unit wanted us to hire someone to stay with him, too.  One suggestion would be, if you don't have success after a couple of admissions with one geri-psych unit/doctor, you must have him transported to a different hospital the next time.  And after four admissions to the local hospital for medication adjustments that didn't help, the MC unit refused to have him back.  And it's very hard to find another unit when the patient has been kicked out for aggressiveness.  My dad ended up being transferred against our wishes to the state mental hospital.  It was an awful time.