Smoker with Dementia

amicrazytoo

My DH smokes. He used to drink quite a lot, but has given up all alcohol on his own in the past several months. Smoking is not something he has any desire to quit. I smoked right along side him until about 6 -7 years ago, I was able to give up the cigarettes for vaping. It may not be ideal, but it definitely better then smoking. He generally smokes outside or in his bathroom. This morning I finished my shower and smelled smoke, his bathroom door was closed, but no light was on, I entered to find the bathroom full of smoke, he had put a lit cigarette in the trash can, it was smouldering away. I immediately put the trash can in the tub and doused it with water. Then opened a window. I told him that he could no longer smoke in the house at all, it must be outside. I showed him what happened in his bathroom, he said "I always put them out in the sink before throwing them in the trash." Apparently not this time. I had to go to work and left, but I am now terrified what he will do in my absence. How can I enforce the no smoking inside the house  rule without being there 24/7?  Has anyone else had to get their LO to quit smoking? Any suggestions?

Lorita

Hi,

 My husband was a smoker, too, from the time he was in his early teens.  He'd try to quit and switch to a pipe, then back to cigarettes.  He did the same thing as your husband  - setting a trash can on fire.  I was retired after he was diagnosed so was able to watch him most of the time.  There were no other incidents that I remember.

 You may not have to worry about him smoking much longer - Charles completely quit smoking on his own - I think he just forgot about the cigars he was smoking.  The same thing happened with my mother - she had smoked most of her life and she just forgot about them (she also had alz).  After Charles quit smoking he still carried three or four lighters around in his t-shirt pocket.  Guess that was kind of a security blanket.

 Sorry, I don't know what to suggest about him smoking since you're not at home during the day.  Hopefully, nothing else will happen.  Maybe - just be sure all the trash cans are emptied so nothing will be inside to catch fire.   Good luck.

LadyTexan

My DH smokes cigarettes also. He only smokes outside. On multiple occasions, he has dropped a lit cigarette on our wooden porch. It has not caught fire yet, but there are ugly burn stains that remind me of the risk.

I try to get DH to smoke in the back yard on the cement patio. He stubbornly continues to go to the wooden porch. I am retired now so I can check to ensure the cigarette is disposed of in an ash can.

More than once, if the ash can is not cleaned regularly, it started to smolder and generate thick smoke. One time, DH was sitting right next to the heavily smoking can and was oblivious. It was eye opening to me that he had no idea the can was smoking so significantly. DH's executive functioning is impaired so the thought that where there is smoke there is fire didn't occur to him either.

Because DH has impaired motor skills, lighting the cigarettes has become increasingly difficult for him. That's another risk to consider.

I watch DH like a hawk. I would be VERY VERY unsettled and anxious if he were to smoke and was not supervised. At a minimum, I would suggest he has a medic-alert system to call for help at the touch of a button. We are currently using Philips LifeLink or LifeLine.

Another consideration is that there is no way, my DH could effectively use a fire extinguisher. We have several placed strategically around the house but that does no good for him.

Bottom line is that I am in a similar boat and it is scary and I do not have practical advice. It is a real risk.

Valentinegirl60

My DH smoked for years until about 10 years ago when he switched to vaping.  About 2 years later, I gave up cigarettes and began vaping too.  I agree while it may not be ideal, it's far better than smoking.  I was the one who kept his tank filled with ejuice and his batteries charged.   In September 2019 he was diagnosed with AD.  He continued to vape until early December 2019 when he woke up one morning and I brought him his vape.  He politely turned it down and said he didn't want it anymore.  Have you asked him if he would consider vaping in place of smoking?  Vaping would be a lot less worrisome over smoking with the potential of a fire.  And who knows, he may one day lay vaping down too.  Best to you on your journey.  It's so hard.

Rescue mom

I don’t have any answers you would like. But if you’ve been here a while, you’ve probably seen stories about  how so many PWDs do not react to fire or smoke alarms. So many of them lose the ability to recognize, much less solve, problems, including danger. 

They do not respond to alarms, they may not respond to smoke in a trash can. My own DH did not respond to a broken pipe that had water pouring down the wall and flooded the kitchen. (He’s not obviously impaired, you could exchange basic greetings and never know how bad it is.) I could list a bunch more life-threatening situations he could not comprehend. It really can sneak up on you how much their abilities decline. And some things, we just do not *want* to see or acknowledge.

Local news had a recent story about an elderly couple, both with dementia, left alone “for just a few minutes.” When the fire dept. got there, the house was full of smoke and some flames, alarms blaring. One elder was just sitting in his chair, watching.  He was hospitalized. The other died, no apparent effort to escape. Family was hysterical. “How could it happen so fast,” “they’re weren’t that out of it, why didn’t he run?” Etc  Dementia is horrible; so much can go wrong and the PWDs have no idea.

M1

I know this is going to sound really harsh and maybe unrealistic, but I have to ask: who is buying the cigarettes or the vaping products? Is it completely unrealistic to say you as the caregiver are not going to facilitate the habit? Would it provoke household warfare?

dayn2nite2

M1 wrote:

I know this is going to sound really harsh and maybe unrealistic, but I have to ask: who is buying the cigarettes or the vaping products? Is it completely unrealistic to say you as the caregiver are not going to facilitate the habit? Would it provoke household warfare?

I don't think people who have never smoked can relate, but we are dealing with an addiction here.  If the cigarettes or vape juice are not provided, this is something the PWD will leave (wander) for.  Same as alcohol for an alcoholic.  A PWD can become pretty aggressive over this, including the limiting of smoking to particular times.

That said, the smoker must be supervised at all times or there will be fire eventually.  

amicrazytoo

Thank you all for the replies. I think for the time being, I will let him know I don't appreciate his smoking in the house at all, but if he must, (weather) then the bathroom is the place. I will remove any combustibles, rugs, towels, shower curtain. And check the wastebasket daily. Perhaps even putting some water in it. The bathroom is old, circa 1963, tile floors and walls. He won't like it, there will be a battle, but this is one I need to win for the both of us. 

As a former smoker, I completely understand how difficult it is to quit. You must really want to in order to do so. Took me many times before I was finally able to quit. He buys his own cigarettes, although I take him to the store to make the purchase. I'm happy at least now he will ask me to take him to the store, instead of driving himself.

I am hoping that one day he does just quit, by forgetting to smoke, much like he did with alcohol. 20 years ago when he was hospitalized for Gall Bladder surgery, they had to put him in the psych ward because he went through what they call the DT's. So having him give up alcohol voluntarily was a miracle.

Thank you all for your support!

loc3762

My husband was also a smoker but only smoked outside.  2 years ago he forgot how to light one up and that is how he quit smoking.  I guess I would only let your husband smoke outside.  Good luck.

Gig Harbor

Can you give him something like nicorette gum when you will be home for a few days and simply remove the cigarettes? It might not take more than a few days for him to forget about them. On days you work you could have him chew one as you are leaving. Perhaps ask if there are pills that do the same. Leave dishes of candy around. Definitely remove all traces of cigarettes and ash trays.

Chammer

MIL w dementia, who passed away in 2016, was a lifelong smoker.  She "quit" in 1992 when she was diagnosed w breast cancer but didn't actually quit - just became a "hider!"  She didn't drive in the last few years she was alive so she was more or less forced into quitting because no one would buy her cigarettes.  FIL smoked cigars, and sometimes she would steal his cigars, but she couldn't figure out how to get them lit. I would find them stashed in her underwear drawer.  About 6 months before she passed away, I got a frantic call from FIL that I needed to come right over (they lived next door at that point) because MIL was trying to smoke and he couldn't control her. I scurried right over to find her trying to light a pretzel stick with a pair of tweezers.  She was holding it like a cigarette and she shook it at me threateningly and said she was going to smoke it as soon as she got it lit and I wasn't going to stop her.  I told her "you go right ahead and smoke to your heart's content!"  She looked like she had just won a great battle and went about her business of continuing to light her pretzel with the tweezers!

kemobetter

My DH also used to smoke a lot, but then he managed to switch to vaping. It’s less harmful, and I’m happy he managed to do that. Initially, he was using vape cartages with nicotine, but now he uses only nicotine-free ones. I’m really happy for him and hope it will ease the consequences of his lifelong smoking. He’s been a heavy smoker for his entire life, and it has taken its toll on his health. Hopefully, the nicotine cartridges we get from discount vapes shops will help him gradually reduce the amount of smoke/vapor he inhales daily. Gradually reducing the amount of nicotine in the blood is a way to freedom.

Ed1937

Reported