Mother in Law

Kevcoy

I wanted to write about something I may have missed or because I'm sure for many of you your mother in law has passed away. When my mother in law had my husband she had just turned 16 years old so he is 68 and she is 84 and only lives about 5 blocks away from us.  She is a narcissist and has been a thorn in my side for the 20 years I've been with my husband.  And for those 20 years she usually has shown up at our house at dinner time expecting a plate.  We had tried to set boundries with her in the but they were never followed.  We would always get the I haven't eaten anything today and I don't have anything at home or I don't have any money to buy myself food playing the poor victim.

Now with dementia in play her coming over every night is stressing me out even more.  I love to cook and spending time in my kitchen is my therapy.  But now my husband wants to spend his time with me and she wants to be with her son and the two of them in my kitchen drives me wild.  I'm a substitute teacher and my MIL used to be a teacher  so I try to have some small talk about school.  I was teaching a special ed class and started to tell her about what we did that day only to get, "I don't care about your *$%&."  The other night I got so flustered I ended up dropping a pot of spaghetti sauce all over the floor.

This past year things are getting worse with my husband so I got her alone to discuss what is happening with him.  After telling her things I have noticed and what is going on with him her response was a sarcastic, "What medical school did you get your degree?"  I really don't see how she doesn't see what is going on.  In the evening he is starting to experience some sundowning, pacing around, getting agitated and looking for the daily thing he can't find.  He tells his mom that I took and hid things of his, like keys.  And she says to me in a condescending tone of voice, "Kevin, why did you hide his keys?" or "Kevin why don't you help him find his keys?"

He is also a diabetic and sometimes his blood sugars get too low so I try to encourage him to eat something or have a Boost.  One night he was arguing with me about this only to have the MIL put in her two cents, "If he doesn't want to eat don't make him."  Trying to explane this to her was going nowhere and she give me the "I'm his mother I know him better then you, all you are is a lazy fat slob."  With that I pointed to the front door and told her to get the F out of my house.

The next day she went crying to her mijito and he told her she could come over any time she wanted and when the time comes she can move in with us.  The thought of that happening is sending me over the moon.  Any thoughts would be most appreciated.

Thank you for your time.

[Deleted User]

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Crushed

Doesn't help the poster but my mother had vascular dementia and my wife was an absolute saint.  My wife was diagnosed with MCI nine  days before my mother died.   Sucks

Nowhere

I think I’d want to change houses with MIL. Let her cook and take care of her son, and you be the one to visit them.

BethL

I feel sorry for you! If I was in your situation, I'd do something to get out of it. Not sure what it would be, maybe move? Maybe set boundaries and stick to them, and change the locks. I couldn't handle what you are going through. Your MIL's behavior is .....(fill in the blank).

piozam13

I've got no experience about MIL - but if she could stay and be with your son, let her.  In the meantime, take advantage of your free time, go out and do something for yourself.

On the other hand, considering her advanced age, could something be wrong with her.