First Post - My husband may have dementia and I am terrified

hstinder

Hello All,

My husband is only 61 and after several months of arguments about me having told him something and him insisting that I didn't we finally had a breakthrough of sorts. I have a special needs daughter that we had to delay taking out to dinner for her birthday due to COVID but we were finally able to do it last week. It wasn't just a normal go to a local eatery and go home type of dinner. We went to the Mall of America, did some really fun activities and ate at a very expensive themed restaurant with lousy food. Yesterday he told me "now remember, we still have to take her out to dinner for her birthday."

It took him a minute after I told him we already did and me reminding him of all the things we did before he realized I was right. It scared both of us. His mother died of Alzheimer's about 10 years ago. We have an appointment with his neurologist at the end of the month - he has an unrelated neurological condition. But right now I am terrified.

Anyway, thanks for reading my rant. I will be following my new found forum closely.

Doityourselfer

Hstinder,

If you post in the Spouse and Partner forum you will find many who are in similar situations.  There's a lot of support there.

Wishing the best for you.

jfkoc

Hello and welcome. 

While we are free to post on any forum the spouse board is the most active.

Not knowing can be frightening but a diagnosis, one that follows current protocol is the first step. Well, maybe it  is the second with getting your financial and legal matters in order. A Certified Elder Law attorney is the specialist for this.

What we do here is share information and provide support. Please do not be terrified. Concerned yes but do not "borrow" trouble. 

Education will be your key and the first lesson is to accept your husbands shaky memory especially if/when it leads to an argument. He truly does not remember and the day will come when refreshment of his memory will not last. 

Do write down your concerns and questions and get them to the Dr before the appointment Some things are better not discussed in front of your husband then let us know how it went.

French

My partner has been diagnosed in may 2019 at 49.

 I remember how I was exactly 2 years ago : terrified.

It was exactly on march 15th, I just get the MRI results and google the report terms. I finished my last class at the university and when I walked into my secretary's office and she asked me how I was doing, I collapsed. I think that class has certainly been one of the less dynamical I ever did. I was certainly like a ghost of myself.

I had him going to his family, stopped working 2 weeks.

As strange as it may sound, having a diagnosis has helped me a lot. I couldn't stand this uncertainty and all these questions that lasted for a year. I wasn't alone anymore, I get help from professionals.

I hope you also will feel better after having met the neurologist.

JDancer

Yes, my experience was like yours. Before I realized what I was dealing with- a spouse with dementia- I thought I was forgetting things. He would say, "you never told me," or, "I told you, " and I believed him. Posting on this forum will help you navigate some difficult times and make you realize you are not alone. Welcome