Trauma and Dementia

Wonderer

My mother has been paddling through dementia for years now. At first my father took care of her, mostly on his own when she was in the initial stages. About a year ago she started sleeping a lot and became disinterested in her usual activities. At that point my siblings and I brought on a helper once a week to try to give my father a break and get my mother out and about more (my father is more of a homebody and wasn't taking my mother out). This was a struggle and they both resisted having people in their space.

A month and a half ago I decided to take a leave of absence from work to help with my mother's care. For the first few weeks we had good outings, she was more upbeat and happy, jumping out of bed when I went to get her up. She still struggled with some things but overall we did pretty well and my father seemed a bit happier overall.

This past week the winds blew two huge trees into the house in the middle of the night. There was extensive damage and they will be recovering for a while. The event has made my mother very agitated and she came to stay with me for a night so that maybe she would have an easier time. She did relax some, but would have flashes of anxiety - sometimes about the house, sometimes wanting to go home and sometimes about "being dumped" at my house.

 Mostly we worked through the anxiety, I would tell her why I loved having her visiting, would she like a drink, look here's the cat saying hello, etc. but the flashes were more intense, came on more quickly and were much more often than normal. When I brought her home I had to go run errands for my father and when I came back from the errands she just wandered off a couple of times. I asked my father about it and he said that she had been doing that since I dropped her off. He struggles with denial regarding her illness, but this seemed like he was having some trauma too. I hung out for a bit and they both seemed better by the time I left.

My question (sorry I was so long-winded) is whether others have experienced dementia getting temporarily or permanently worse from traumatic events? I am worried about her anxiety and issues getting worse because of the trauma, and whether it will ease after she is back to a more normal routine. If anyone has any suggestions about how I can help her please let me know.

M1

Wanderer I am finding that my partner (stage 4-5) cannot process trauma and just constantly relives it. Ours was a personal trauma-a very close sister died rather unexpectedly three months ago. My partner misses her terribly, and every day asks the same questions over and over: what happened, what did she die of, could something have been done differently. Since she can't remember the answers, she seems to not be able to make progress in her grief. It's hard. I hope your mom will have an easier time of it, but dealing with the physical disruption of her familiar surroundings is likely to have the same effect. Familiarity and consistency are key.....So even though you are glad to have her at your house, it's probably pretty disorienting to her.

M1

I forgot to say: welcome to the forum!

Wonderer

Hello M1,

Thanks for your welcome and the reply. 

So much of this disease has its own "logic" and is heartbreaking. I am so sorry your partner is suffering such loss over and over. 

My mother seemed to have a bit more ease once home, but seemed to be repeatedly gravitating to the damaged areas. Tomorrow I will feel better because we will have cleared up the debris, I worry about my father not paying attention and the broken glass causing a problem, but I have checked in and he assures me things are okay. There is no playbook for this and so many variables - the past month has hammered home that we are in control of little and every action we make should be as loving as possible.

Thank you again for sharing you and your partner's experience. 

Wonderer

smbren

Welcome to the forums.

Yes, trauma can impact a person with dementia temporarily or longer term.  My mother has had the disease for at least 7-8 years, so easy when you can look back and think on it.  

One of my brothers passed 4 years ago.  This was a very traumatic event for her.  This was the event that triggered her enough to push us to have to move towards a diagnosis and treatment and such.  

What you speak of also included a change of routine.  And routine is good for most people with dementia.  So while bringing her to your home might seem good to get away from an immediate issue, it also breaks the routine and brings change to her.  My mom (I don't use this word lightly but I believe it fits) seems to be afraid of change or a change to the routine, even if  she can't tell you what the routine is, she knows when something isn't the normal when doing it.  

One item I can compare to your situation is last year with a long term power outage we had.  They were out of power for 5 days.  I have a generator so they were with us during the days.  But for the sake of routine and her wanting to be home, they did sleep at their home.  Since cold wasn't a factor at the time of the power outage, this was ok.  But throughout the whole time and for a couple days after, it was quite stressful for not just her, but the rest of us as we had to try to keep her calm as we dealt with the situation.  

Wonderer

Thank you so much for your reply. It does help me to understand a bit. It is overwhelming for everyone as stress begets stress. Sorry I didn't answer right away, I got busy enough I didn't have the bandwidth to even check in here. I hope you're having a great spring and things are going well for you. Thanks again for your reply and sharing your experience.