Psych evaluation continues

DoninNC

DW's psych evaluation just finished its 3rd week. I got a call from a member of the Palliative Care team after they had been asked to do an assessment of her. They told me that she won't be leaving there any time soon. Also said that sometimes when a patient is ready to leave they can't be cared for at home. When I asked if I should be looking at Memory Care Facilities she said yes.

There are still Covid restrictions so no visitation. I check with her nurse every day. The other day the nurse asked if I wanted to talk to her as she was standing right there. She wasn't really responding to me and I kept telling her it was Don, her husband. Finally she responded, "Mom it was very nice of you to call, goodbye.

Yesterday they set up a Zoom call with her. She didn't recognize who I was and they were having trouble keeping her focused on the screen. I kept telling her we miss her and love her but she didn't seem to understand even with her social worker trying to help. I reminded her that this Saturday is our wedding anniversary and the social worker asked if she heard what I said. She replied, "I think that is my dad, I don't know" and with that they ended the call.

Heartbroken.

Jeff86

I am so sorry, Don, that your DW appears not to be recognizing/remembering you.  This is one of the most cruel and sad aspects of AD for caregiver spouses/partners.  When my DW asks me if I know where her husband is, I am flooded with sadness.

One comforting thing about your situation is that at least she is getting the expert care she needs at this stage.  It doesn’t make the heartbreak go away, but you are doing what you can.  You have my complete empathy.

Ed1937

Don and Jeff (and others), I'm sorry you are facing this now. I'm sure it is one of the hardest parts of the disease. So far, this only happened with us one time, and that was due to a nasty UTI. At times like that, it's really hard to find something good about the day. But we have no choice but to hang in there.

Jane Smith

Don, many of the facilities in my area are offering video tours so you can check them out virtually. 

Some have prerecorded tours, maybe on their website, and others will have you do a video call and then walk you around the facility in real time. Others do both. It cannot hurt to check?

I hope Geri Psych is helpful. I know not everyone has a good experience but two of my family members (three stays total) sure did and I hope you do too.  Best wishes.

M1

Thanks for the update Don but I'm sorry it's not the news you were hoping for.  I was afraid that was likely to be the case.  I'm glad they are helping you navigate though.  Maybe they will have suggestions for what places you should look at--they have probably done this before and may have a sense of where might be a good fit.  Do continue to keep us posted, I know this must be very sad for you.  But remember you ARE doing the right thing to keep her safe and cared for.

dayn2nite2

I think this is the 2nd time they've mentioned she may not be able to come home again.  They are hinting that you need to really be on the hunt for a facility so you can name one when they suddenly call you and say "she's being discharged tomorrow but she can't come home."

I'd get working on video tours and calls to facilities in your area ASAP.  You will not be given additional time to find a suitable place once they're ready to discharge her.

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