Today’s parental argument

Quilting brings calm

My step Dad( no diagnosis) berated my mom (mild dementia) today because he heard her talking in her sleep.  She was supposedly dreaming about a boyfriend with a certain physical attribute. Mom has no memory of this dream.  I don’t think she has a memory of any boyfriend like this. She married my biological father at age 18.  Had 3 kids in 3 years, divorced - moved in with my grandparents and married my stepdad 2 years later in 1964.    

Now I could agree that it’s questionable whether this berating was imaginary on her part due to her dementia... except that he told me last week that my aunt( her sister) tried to seduce him when they were all in their 60s ( so 15 - 18 years ago?).  This is most certainly not a true event. Although I think the event may  have happened the other way around. . 

So a couple of questions here:  do you think it’s fair to blame someone for a ‘sexy’ dream if she actually had one? 

Second- does anyone know of a dementia where the main symptoms are confabulation ( his story and his possible imagination of her talking in her sleep), and paranoia about money? He still thinks I’m after ‘his’ money because I am paying the bills using their joint account and I have possession of the checkbooks.  They don’t need them as neither one knows how to write a check or balance a check register anymore and they are in assisted living. They have debit and credit cards and cash so they can spend money if they need to. 

Could he be suffering from effects of COPD because he doesn’t use his oxygen as much as he should? 

RobOT

Quilting, I don't know about the COPD part--not using oxygen usually results in a lot of fatigue and gasping as I recall.  But the paranoia and the confabulation are hallmarks of certain dementias, vascular dementia being the one I'm familiar with.  To me it seems the paranoia is partly brain dysfunction and partly feeling the loss of control when the PWD can't do critical activities any more--like handling money--and is afraid.  Which can equal angry.  As for blaming your mother for her dreams, you might as well blame her for having a nightmare and crying out.  But your stepdad is incapable of comprehending that and only feels threatened, which may be another face of his paranoia.  It always seems like we caregivers are given these impossible choices, doesn't it?