Father and grandmother triggering one another

eimaj

Hello,

This is my first time posting on here. I've been feeling like I need to reach out to others who know about this situation and I am finally doing it.

My father has mild cognitive impairment and my grandmother (his mother) appears to have vascular dementia. My father's personality has changed and his short term memory is not great but he seems like my father otherwise. My grandmother has become meaner, less patient, less tolerant, and more paranoid as time has gone on. 

She now triggers my father and he wants to be away from her. He would rather be in less stressful situations and I do not blame him. She can be hard to be around. But his mother needs a lot of physical help and has very little emotional control. He triggers her because she makes him feel like he wants to escape her, and he makes her feel like he doesn't care, which makes her act out more to get help from him (or anyone else nearby).

How do my mother and I mitigate this situation to make them both feel more comfortable?

Thank you!
Jamie

LaurenB

Is it time to separate son from mother?  Maybe it's time for Grandma to live somewhere else so that your mom can take care of her husband.

abc123

Welcome! Glad you found us! Read as many post here as possible and articles where ever you can find them. Knowledge is power. As time passes you and your Mom will have to take over more and more responsibilities. Please remember your LO's have a broken brain. Is it possible for Grannie to live elsewhere? Is she on Medicaid or is she financially secure? You could start looking at facilities now for the future. You should always have a Plan A, B and C. You never know what can happen next. Your Mom could get sick or hurt, then who would care for them both? Is it possible to get Grannie to a geriatric psychiatrist for an evaluation? Medication could be prescribed to possibly give her a better quality of life and make her easier to care for. I feel sorry for all of you. This is not easy. Good luck.