Driving...so frustrated and sad

Ddubs

Hi, 

My mom was diagnosed last October.  At the time she decided to stop driving. And she told everyone that I would not let her drive. 

Now she has been insistent on driving again.  She is calling the DMV to set up a driving exam.  She is not a safe driver. My kids, dh, etc refuse to ride with her. The dr will not intervene but refers us to the DMV.  

I'm praying she doesn't pass, is unable to find the phone number or cannot get an appt. 

I just needed to vent!  Thanks for reading.

RobOT

Ddubs, so sorry you're dealing with this.. This was one of the most hard-fought battles I had with both my parents, and one that's critical to win.  The financial risk as well as the risk of someone getting hurt or killed is staggering.  Doctors don't want to be the bad guy who tells their patient they can't drive, and often are of no help at all.  I would get a copy of the page in her chart that shows her diagnosis, take her to the DMV (after all, she has no license right now) and slip it in with her papers. I have no doubt she will be angry, but stick to your guns and get through it.  Remember the risks of her driving: hitting a person who pops out in front of her ahead of her reflexes, and being sued for everything she owns and then some.  If you're her POA you could get sued too, by the way.

Here's what happened when my father went to the DMV.  OMG!!!!!  After constant arguing and wheedling, I caved and told him he could renew if he could get himself over there and pass the test.  (He'd been getting lost, among other hair-raising things.)  SIX HOURS LATER, after I'd been looking for him across three cities in Southern California, he came back home with a new license.  According to him he couldn't figure out how to use the electronic test so the "nice ladies" at the DMV let him take a handwritten test.  He laughed and said he had to take it three times before he passed, and smuggled in a handbook (I doubt that part)  before he passed.  I really don't know what to think, except I know he gets confused by trying to read a menu at a restaurant--how could he navigate that test?  In California's political climate of fear of minority reprisals, I think somebody helped him.  Which left me with the task of separating him from his car before something awful happened.  Go with her if you can and try to make it go right.

mommyandme (m&m)

Thanks for venting and in that, sharing. 

This is all just really hard! So sorry. 

Sherri J

You are not alone with your frustration and sadness.

Just this month, I had my mom's doctor write on a prescription pad "No Driving" and have it posted on her refrigerator to remind her. Thankfully, the doctor was willing to be the bad guy. She still asks daily about driving and is frustrated that "everything is being taken away from her". She doesn't want to be a burden and have anyone else drive her places. She is threatening to walk to the store, and that is such a fear, as she lives off a busy highway and there are no sidewalks. We are getting ready to install door latches and maybe alarms. Breaks my heart, but for the safety of everyone on the road and herself, this is the best for her. 

Michael Ellenbogen

Sherri J  - are you related to a Kennedy?

Suzzin

My dad fought us for a while, but I kept saying the doctor says no driving, his reflexes aren't good enough. He is still enough "with it" to make jokes, so when I said if he hurt someone he would never forgive himself. He grinned and said, "I'm sure I'd forget about it in a few days!". He stopped asking after that.

Mom has more traditional AD with full denial/anosognosias. She is mad on a daily basis that I took her car and gave it to "those people" (it's parked at our house, my husband uses it when he needs to because I have our car all the time to be up taking care of my parents). Her doctor said he can't/won't do anything about it, she would have to take a written and then driving test and if she passes, she passes. The DMV won't consider information from family or doctors, according to him. So for now I put up with her anger and keep the keys from her.    

Michael Ellenbogen

Feel free to reply to me privetly if you want. i do know Kerry as she is good friend with my freinds. We were just on a zoom birthday party the other day.