what would you ask now?

DHVT

After 1/2 year of waiting, we are finally starting my wife's Memory Program evaluation process this week. I've been making lists of questions, but I wonder if you have any you're glad you asked at this stage - or WISH you'd asked! 

The whole topic is so broad and new and complicated that it's hard to think clearly about it. 

For background, she had an MRI which showed brain shrinkage, and her PCP diagnosed mild cognitive impairment based on a quick evaluation and observations. My own experience as the husband is that things have gone from approximately normal a year or two ago, to very abnormal in terms of her thought process, abilities, emotions, etc. 

I live with her every day but feel increasingly lonely and stressed out. So far I have no support system except her son, who comes by on Sundays to take her for a drive/walk. That gives me a 2-3 hour vacation.

DHVT

I have some lists of providers from the PCP, and I suppose they're "approved" in some way. But I want to know how I can actually tell which people and orgs are really good. I don't know anyone in the caregiving business who can steer me.

Marta

My response is not what to ask, but what to tell:

List, in bullet point fashion, the behaviors you have seen that you believe support a dementia diagnosis.  Leave out suppositions and guesses, leave out emotion.  Just present the facts.  Get these to the doctor BEFORE your wife is seen.  Bring a copy to the appointment and hand it over discreetly to the provider, in case s/he did not receive this list.

Since your PCP made the recommendations for the referral, and if you trust the PCP, that would be affirmation of "qualification."  Nobody can give you a guarantee.

Cynbar

If your PCP has given you a list of private caregiver agencies, I do think you can assume that they are all approved by the office and reasonably competent. As mentioned above, you can go online and look for reviews and feedback. But I also think the personal "fit" is crucial. You will want to interview at least a couple. They will send a representative to your house, size her up as the representative of the agency. Ask who will be your contact person and speak to that person before deciding. Ask if their staff has dementia training, how they assign caregivers, how open they are to making a change at your request, how the availability of staff is (can they cover all shifts for their current clients)? Mainly, you are looking for the feeling that they understand the needs of dementia patients and are responsive to your concerns. After this process, you should have a good idea of which one(s) you would like to work with. And of course, you can always change if there are issues.

i2i

Hi DHVT, not sure quite what you mean by Memory Program evaluation.  But if you are reviewing care facilities, two related questions that need to be asked, are How do you respond to difficult behaviors, and What circumstances would lead to you being unable to care for my LO and having to discharge her/him from your facility?

Yes, it's a daunting process.  Best of luck to you.