When to move back home and in with my parents

a-Ray 0f Hope

I'm in need of some advice.  I am wondering when it is time to move back in to take care of my parent who have suffering with ES dementia. They are still able to cook and take care of the daily living needs  But  she starting to increase on forgetting the little things like moving items and not remembering where she put them or day of week.  Dam this is hurting my heart so bad.  I don't want them to feel like I'm not trying to stifling their independence when I had the discussion  before she wasn't for me having back in.   What's the best time and an easy way to transition to this.

smbren

Independence is a tricky thing.  

It is different for everyone.  But from what you said, she is really just starting to show some signs.  And that doesn't necassarily mean it needs in home care.  Signs to watch for are things that are dangerous suchs as leaving the stove on, does she wander and get lost and such.  Things like are what the doc would regularly ask me in the beginning.  

Is she diagnosed?  Or is she just getting forgetful?  If she isn't diagnosed, the hardest (correction, one of the hardest things) will be getting her to a geri psych doc.  They will be your friend.  

From the little you described, I wouldn't recommend talking about moving in with her at this time.  But I get the feeling there may be more that you haven't mentioned.  And basically it will boil down to safety and whether she isn't able to care for herself.  That doesn't mean the floor doesn't get swept as much (unless it's yearly), but you want to make sure she is safe (no fire hazards, etc), she is eating, the house is staying clean, she is bathing and dressing each day, etc.  Don't rush having her with you (or you with her), as that time may come and when it does you won't be getting a break.  I don't say this lightly as my wife and I are currently starting our hunt again for a new home (it was on pause due to covid) so we will have the space for my parents to be with us as I literally spend half my time at their house now.  

And if you really think you need to be there, don't make it about your mother.  Make it about you.  About how the bills are getting to you.  Your mortgage or rent and the car payment (or some other excuse).  And with covid this last year, the bills are just getting to you.  And how it would be good if you could move back for a year and just save up for a bit.  

Suzy23

Hi Ray of Hope,

Sorry you are dealing with this.  I don’t have advice on the moving in part but wanted to say if she is forgetful—

I recommend you look into whether they are managing their bills, taxes, and general finances properly. You might suggest they get your name (or if you have a brother or sister who could it it) on their accounts “just in case something should ever happen one day”  that will make it much easier to monitor. Same thing on getting someone listed for their health care proxy “just in case they should ever need help one day”  if something should happen medically. 

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