It’s been along hard road

incognito

Hello friends and caregivers

It’s been a long time since I posted A lot I can share a lot of pain.My LO got  his wings 2 weeks ago ? 31 years together .He had frontal dementia and died of complications from it.He was placed ini oa. AL 7months ago and was in a wheel chair but still aware of what was going on.I was allowed to visit , & ok pick up his laundry Iwould do that Twice a week and I could only see him outside weather permitting . The home had no COVID deaths or diagnosis.After he was put in the home he seemed to decline faster and because we could not go in I did not know what was going  on he could feed himself when he was admitted and had a healthy appetite. 

Because of dementia his coordination started to decline and he dropped a lot of food.He lost 20lbs and he was  tall big guy. I felt guilty for putting him in there but I had taken. Care of him on my own for 2 years and he kept falling out of his wheel chair and I would have to find ways to get him up or have family members help or c all EMT.He was in danger of hitting his head .

The AL couldn’t keep help once he got an aide I knew .

,next time there was another.With the pandemic and  when you have. A loved one in AL you feel helpless and truly on the outside.3 weeks ago

I got a call from AL they took him to the hospital his  oxygen was low. When he got there they 

Checked  him out found he was highly dehydrated had blood clots in his lungs a legs this was all because

from  not being ambulatory he was at first getting physical therapy, but I think he should have not been dehydrated the doctor was concerned and said how did he get so sick..?

They stopped  physical  therapy because it was no use.he went in the hospital Saturday they put him.  In Hospice  

And he passed away the following Wednesday although if he had pulled through we were not taking him back to AL.The blood clots is what took him away and he stopped eating .Ilearned a lot as a spouse there are so many things you have to do when your spouse  dies if he was a veteran and an FEDERAL employee and because he did 20 years in military I wanted a Military funeral and found out the National Cemetery was booked  up 6 to 8 months and he had a policy that would pick his body up from hospice and cremate him and because of all the deaths it took two weeks for his  cremation .

But I will wait so he can   Be buried with honors .

JDancer

You cared for him in life, and now you are caring for him in death. Thank you for sharing your story.

Deanna_M

So sorry for your loss, incognito. Take good care.

TessC

I'm sorry for the loss of your husband. COVID has made it difficult for all, but especially those with LOs in AL or NH. I'm sorry you could not visit your dear husband as you would have liked. You took care of him as long as he could remain safe in your care and then for his sake and yours, you placed him. That is all anyone can ask of someone.

 I wish you peace and hope the day will come soon when happy thoughts will outweigh the sad ones of the past few years. Take good care!

abc123

Dear Incognito,

I’m very sorry for the loss of your husband. I hope you are doing as well as possible. Please let us know how you are.

Sincerely,

ABC

incognito

Hello

Thanks for posting . The VA is not easy to work with  LO has been cremated all that was planned ahead of time.And glad he did we had a separate policy he didn’t need they arranged everything though ,and did the cremation good thing we had not planned for the body to be buried in a casket with the pandemic going on.Trident gave me the urn in 2013 when we took out the policy .what I did not say is theAL cost almost 4000 a month and we found out my daughter and  me VA has a fiduciary program if you put your LO in a AL on your own money for two to 3 mo you can apply for it he went in june29 of  2020 he was in there until he went to hospice Feb 20 2021 we had filled out miriad of paper work was approved but no money he passed  first now they are supposed to make up what I put out.and he gets automatic deposits first of the month retiree pay they took back the March 1 payment and it will take 30 to 90 days to set

Me up as the payee Ihad to get  a POA to do everything even though we were married 28 years

So he will have a honorable funeral with pomp and circumstance which he deserves although 

I have to wait a while thank you for the link.

incognito

Thanks so much,!

incognito

ThankYOU,

incognito

Thank you for the link  I picked up his ashes last Friday and I am on the list . At VA the Cremation place took care the arrangements I want Arlington Cemetery so he can have the funeral he deserves.

incognito

Hello friends and caregivers.It’s been a long time since I have posted about my husbands death  l am still grieving because I feel guilty about putting him in AL those people want their thousands a month and the aids just want a pay check. If any of you are thinking about assisted living really check it out. I had  5 aids at home before he went to AL and all but one was horrible .But my LO got to the point I couldn’t handle him anymore and my family was getting worn out.

When I picked up his belongings  after his death I found 4 new tubes of toothpaste they never opened them ,hair gel all the things I bought to them for his care  they never used, his teeth looked horrible.my LO was very particular about his hygiene and personal care his teeth were brown .they were putting other people’s clothes on him whether they fit or not. I kept buying socks I hIs  laundry plus 

Took a hamper for him with his name on it so there was no excuse since he  didn’t even  know who he was these things didn’t bother him but it did me.No one cares like family  if anyone wants to ask questions please respond to this post.just venting.

Care__

I am so sorry for your loss.

I know what you mean. I moved my father into MC about 2 months ago now. He is late stage 5 but since being there has significantly declined. I know the hygiene is more for my piece of mind, as he doesn’t mind, but it’s the whole point of it. I am paying thousands of dollars and they never get him in clean clothes, teeth never brushed, apartment a mess. Every time I am there! They even are giving him the wrong dose of a medication! I brought it up in care meeting 2 weeks ago and say just the other day they were still giving him the incorrect dose! Unacceptable. 

I know the move was best for me and him. But it is all so frustrating and heartbreaking.