what is your loved ones favorite saying why they can't remember things

ladypeewee

My Peewee also says " I have been back to sleep" That's why I don't remember what your talking about.

French

He never admits he can’t remember and always answers, inventing something if necessary.

He comes from the bathroom. « Have you brushed your teeth ? », « no, I was just going to do it ».. and sometimes by chance he already has done it but doesn’t remember.

He has put his pyjama over his trousers and is going upstairs. « Stop, you have forgotten to put off your trousers », « yes I was going to do it »... I know he wouldn’t have remarked it.

I heard an Alzheimer’s who explained that it was very cruel to ask if they remember. So that I do it only for things I think he remembers. The problem is for things like the ones I mentioned previously. I can’t ask him to brush his teeth if he already did it and I can’t be everywhere with him even if I must be more and more checking everything.

LadyTexan

It depends on the conversation.

DH might say "I don't know what I was saying", or "I have Alzheimer's", or "you did not tell me that".

Often he thinks he tells me things and I have no idea what he is talking about. My reply is sorry honey. I guess I forgot about that.

M1

We have two sayings, both meant to lighten things up: first is "I guess I got mixed up." Second: "Not always right, but always certain." She tells me that second one is a Texas thing. Would you agree LT?

CStrope

Most of the time I just get "never mind, it doesn't matter"

AlyJo

How to you all stay so positive.   I am not doing that well with it.  He gets to me a lot lately and I hope this is a stage that I am going through and will come out of soon.

  We live in the Denver area and just had a big snow storm,  a couple feet at our house.  He was no help with the shoveling.  He went outside and came right back in.  Said it was cold and annoying so he is not going to do the walk way.  I really didn't expect the help but then he talks on the phone and tells people how he had to dig out all of that snow and clean the driveway after I spend 2 hours doing it.  

Then he wants to know what is for dinner.

I think I am losing it.  It hurts so much to not be appreciated and to be treated so inconsiderately. 

 I have a few cameras around the house so that I can check on him when I am at work and he wont answer the phone.  He unplugs them and turns them over.  I disconnected and put them away today. 

Agan, I have to find some of that positivity you all seem to have.

harshedbuzz

"It's a natural part of the aging process"

Rinse and repeat.

Aly Jo-

My mother really struggled with dad "taking credit" for all manner of things from having had a shower (on day 27 avoiding soap and water like it was his job) to mowing the lawn (HOA does all landscaping work). Once, he even co-opted her knee replacement surgery and showed me an imaginary scar on his elbow. At least he knew it was a joint.

One thing that helped us both was this:
12 pt Understanding the Dementia Experience (dementiacarestrategies.com)

I think with dad, it would have been a matter of I was always shoveled when it snowed, so naturally I did this time as well. 

The lack of empathy that comes with the disease is harder to live with even when you do understand it as part of the damage to the brain.

HB

Crushed

We always tried to make it into a joke.  After a nice family get together where she was clearly having trouble but trying and everyone being supportive  She asked me if she had been alright.  I said Do you remember having any trouble ? She said NO   and I said  Me neither.

She needed reassurance, not contradiction.  I would ask her to come sit with me while I cooked  She came to all my classes when I still taught. She knew I would help "push the wheel over the flat spots"

jtbaa

Thanks for the article link, looks very helpful.

Rescue mom

My DH almost always just said “I can’t remember” to pretty much any discussion of past or current events. He had no problem at all with that.

OTOH, although I know there’s all sorts of direct questions you’re not supposed to ask, early on, I’d sometimes forget and ask in casual conversation if he did  (something).  he was most likely to say yes, even though it was very obvious that he had not.

Rescue mom

AlyJo—that lack of empathy, no appreciation or recognition of what you do, is typical for Alzheimer’s. It really hurts, even when you know it’s the disease. And it was such a big change for my DH. It still hurts, but somehow you learn to live with it. There’s not much choice. I wish I had better advice, for you and for me, too. It’s been years, and it still hurts. But we have to deal with it. I’m not one of those who are “positive” about it, but I have to be realistic.

 So many have written here about being sick, and their SO does not help, or even seem to notice they’re sick and still expects them to do everything. You might want to think about who could step in and help if you needed it.

Geofan

I didn’t realize that sleeping erases memory. This happens daily here. What is the reason?

CStrope

AlyJo ----  I agree with RescueMom.  In fact, before my husband was diagnosed, there was at least a couple of years where my marriage was nothing but a lot of arguing simply for that very reason.  I was constantly wondering why my husband turned into such a jerk!  With the diagnosis came the realization that the symptoms started years ago, but that sure doesn't make it any easier.  My husband does do the majority of the laundry, but even that became a source of tension.  Every time I'd ask him to do something, or ask for help, he'd always just respond "well I do the laundry".  I got so sick of him saying that it became a running joke.

Hang in there.....

ElaineD

"My memory is normal for my age (81)" is what I get when I wonder about his forgetting.   My biggest problem is that I don't have any idea what he will 'forget' next.  It is still something of a shock when he 'conflates' things...like your father did, harshedbuzz.  

I hear him talk on the phone, and I always grit my teeth when he describes something I know did not happen the way he described it.  It helps me to remember that it isn't important, and most people won't care or even know that he got it all wrong.

The lack of empathy is just as hard.  He seems so 'blank' most of the time. 

On the other hand, when he was in the earlier stages, he was so angry, mean and critical and verbally abusive, and I didn't know why.  NOW he is much calmer and less angry.  And I prefer increased forgetting to that three years of personality change, which I know now was the disease.

Of course he doesn't have the disease (VD) that has afflicted his family through generations (three that I know of).  He's never been good at 'conversations or sharing feelings', but now he is truly blank.

When he's with 'outsiders' he still 'rises to the occasion' most of the time, and even smiles and seems to laugh.  And he still always wants to help others!

I just wish I knew what to expect....  You know, I DO know what to expect since I read this forum almost every day.  I just completely reject that reality.  I wish this weren't happening.

Elaine

eaglemom

I hear "oh really" from DH. I also hear "hmm I don't think we've talked about this." Or the one that just takes my breath away - the blank stare. No response, just a blank stare.

I try to not say do you remember when we ...........  (fill in the blank). I've changed it up to when we did ....... (fill in the blank). Its just a different play on words but I'm not asking him to remember, I'm trying to give him a memory.

This journey is difficult.

eagle

Rescue mom

Elaine—I got that “my memory is normal for my age” for a short time early on.

Then came the day when he left to go to his doctor—the one he’d seen for 30 years, in an office 2 easy miles from home, and a visit with CPA (next door to doc) about taxes. He came back in 2-3 minutes, sobbing. He could not remember where he was going, or why he was in car, or what city we live in. We were very blessed that he did get home, without an accident. 

Later that day I checked the “tax info” he was taking the CPA. The file held a magazine subscription card, some old birthday cards, a fund-raising letter, and other random papers nothing to do with taxes.

Even he said at that point it was not normal memory loss. We were so fortunate nothing worse happened. The Alzheimer’s Dx came a couple months later, the soonest I could get it done.

JDancer

Early on, my DH frequently told me "you didn't tell me that" or, "I told you." I thought maybe we had conversations that I wasn't remembering. Dementia is so cruel.

Rescue mom

Oh yes, I got the “you did not tell me” quite a bit, early on. I think, with us, family, and me too, WANTED to believe it was all just “normal aging.” The kids, who don’t live at home, were especially insistent on that. But I was also thinking, this is not normal, plus it was so different for him to act those ways. It took the getting lost and tax problem to finally convince others that tests were needed.

The CPA told me he also thought Alzheimer’s, earlier. He said that he is often the first to see/recognize it in a solid way.

Yorklady53

My DH will say “imagine that” to so many things. When he was still able to easily answer the phone he would forget to say hello until I prompted him, then as soon as he didn’t know how to communicate with the caller he would say “thank you, have a nice day” and hang up on the person.

When I give him a smile and a kiss on the cheek, he lights up and again says “thank you have a nice day”.

Michael Ellenbogen

I once had such a great memory and reattained almost everting. Even things I did not want to remember. Now days if my life depends on it I cannot remember the things I need to no matter what I do. Yet there are thinks I still remember that I am shocked and even do better then my wife at times. Go figure on how crazy this disease is on our minds. I can not even remember my address that I lived at for over 31 years. The brain is very complicated on how it works and don’t work.

June45

Yorklady53 wrote:

When I give him a smile and a kiss on the cheek, he lights up and again says “thank you have a nice day”.

Sweet!

AzCrazy Diamond

In her mind, she  never forgets anything. I do. Even though I've been tested by a neuropsych and verified that my memory impairment is indeed "age appropriate". She will not be tested, nor get any mental health help at all. When she forgets something, by some circuitous fictional logic I'm the one who forgot. There is never, EVER, any point to telling her she forgot something, or made any manner of mistake. I just eat it until I'm full (fed up) and walk away.

manuzito

My DH at the beginning of his illness he would say “you didn’t tell me that”.  Later on he would say “I’m getting older, my memory is failing” (He was 94 at the time).  On his last days of life he asked me about his parents and siblings, he was aware of his memory loss.  Sad!

My mother who is almost 101 years old has very sharp moments, she remembers events that I have long forgotten.  When she doesn’t remember she tells me “you know?, I noticed that since last week I started forgetting things”.  She was diagnosed with dementia at age 96.  I still think that she is senile only.