School, Husband and What to do?

Kevcoy

I am a teacher and of course during the past year due to the Covid 19 pandemic I have been teaching from a little corner in my home office.  There have been some issues with my DH walking in while I have my class on the screen in Google Classroom and quickly muting and turning off my camera to assist with his needs but for the most part it has been good to be here.  My husband's abilities have really gone down hill this past year.  He will set his sights to do something like organize his CDs only to start something else.  My house is a wreck but I can't imagine what it would be like if I wasn't here.  Here is my dilemma, my school district has ordered all teachers back to school to start in class teaching on Mar. 29.  This just thrown at us after we had been told the district would stay virtual for the rest of the school year.  The thought of leaving him alone all day is causing me tremendous anxiety.  I can turn on the Hallmark channel which he seems to enjoy but I'm envisioning just about everything pulled out of the cabinets and placed who knows where.  I'm still looking for my keys and checkbook he took out of my drawer that I thought were so well hidden and can't find them.  The good thing is that it will only be for less then two months but then I will be stressing all summer about going back in August.  I'm not vested enough for a full retirement as I started teaching at a later date after a long career as a travel agent.  I don't have much help from any family around because either I don't trust them or they have to work too.  And it seems like most of my friends are getting older and their excuse is, they don't want to get out due to Covid.  It's so frustrating because in a school survey less then 1/3 of the students want to go back to in person school so I will only have a handful of kids there and the rest I will have to keep on doing the virtual thing like I have been for a year.

JoseyWales

I'm a teacher, and I'm impressed you can work from home! The break last year came just at the time when I was thinking it probably wasn't good for DH to be home alone all the time anymore. We went back in person in August, and I hired 2 different caregivers. Between them, my son (20, still living at home due to college classes being virtual), and a family member or two thrown in, I have managed full time care for DH at home while I'm at work. 

Some kind of day program would work perfect, but they mostly closed down due to Covid, and they're not open at good times for teachers anyway. 

Knowing someone is at home with him gives me peace of mind. Last year I used to rush home and never knew what kind of mess I'd find. There are still messes, and my house is an unorganized disaster too, but at least I know there won't be a disaster that burns down the house.

Mary Lu

I think i am in a similar situation to you. My husband is at the stage where I have to give him 'busy' work, which usually involves reorganizing his favorite things - books! I have just tried to instill in him to stay in one room. Ive told him while he's not working, he can use the dining room as his office. I think it might work. But, like you I'm concerned about leaving him - I work 3 days a week away from home, and I love it, but I dread coming home to see what mood he is in or what he may have done by himself. 

Im going to attempt creating projects, that he can complete without me? but it's hard. I hate to think of him watching the television.

Do you have any insurance for Long Term Care? - when to start looking into that. Are there day care centers you can drop him into?

It is a really tough one, I expected to have to go back to work full time to make ends meet, now that we've lost his salary, but I don't think I'll be able to again. - I don't know where the help is here. Do we have to give up our jobs to become caregivers? 

Mary Lu

Like Kevcoy, it sounds like your DH got sick while they are still young (and working). Mine is only 56, and he is on sick leave now, pending a medical diagnosis. Im at a loss of how to cope. It's heartbreaking that we can't just concentrate on our husbands health care, because we have to be concerned about our lost income. My children are young also 18 and 20, and I hate that they should be burdened with this, when they are just learning to spread their wings.

Crushed

The lack of support for Young/Early Onset Alzheimer's is a national disgrace.   Here is the reality for caretakers

1) Most of you have just become poorer than you ever thought possible in your life.

2) Caretakers routinely die before patients due to stress

3) Every sign that you are a warm caring spouse will be taken by the money people that they can give you less and less support.

4) In general your friends and family will abandon you, critisize you and the religious ones will throw you under  the "it's god's will" bus. 

5) people  will tell you to your face that  if you had fed him Dr. Whackjobs premium dog poop diet  this NEVER would have happened. 

6) Unless you have at least $500,000 in liquid assets to devote to your LOs  care ,  Medicaid and social security are vital to your very continued personal existence. Run do not walk to an elder care lawyer familiar with both.  You are on the TITANIC and it is sinking under you. AND NO ONE CARES IF YOU DIE 

I have been on this road since 2010.  I did 5 years of solo 24/7/365 caretaking. I gave up my career prematurely but we both have solid pensions and SS from a lifetime of professional work.  My mother had and died of vascular dementia so I knew from the first medical appointment in 2010 what we were in for.I just did the medical expenses  for last year.  $140,000. That is what quality private care costs in a world of covid.

French

The same, after 1 year teleworking (research & teaching) I can’t let my partner alone at home a full day. He is 51 and  I am 49

2 days at the adult daycare ( here they are open) only 10 am to 4 pm so I have to add a caregiver the morning. The afternoon he stays alone 1 to 2 hours. The daycare driver helps  him enter the house.

2 half days with a caregiver. 

We both appreciate this organization. When is is alone while I am teleworking he does absolutely nothing but waiting, watching the Lord of the rings or sleeping and it results in poor nights for both of us.

Ed1937

Mary Lu wrote:

I don't know where the help is here. 

Mary Lu, what state are you from?

anneleigh

Working at home or elsewhere is very hard to do.  I feel sorry so many of us are going through this and trying to work while LO suffers with ALZ.  I drastically cut my hours that I work for with a virtual calling center.  I actually sent them an email saying that I was just going to quit and explained my situation to them.  They actually surprised me saying they would work with me and I could just work whenever I wanted.  I will work occasionally just to feel important and network with my friends.  I wish I could really work more, but my DH will walk right in my den and ask me questions and I would have to hush, hush him right away.

Kevcoy, I sure hope your school will reconsider so you can stay at home.

I have learned to be extremely frugal and just live within my husband's SSI.  Since I am younger(62) then DH 67, I have several years to collect SS.  Recently I had surgery and now I am getting the taste of hiring caretakers or relying on family members to pop in and help.  I am quite surprised my DH has taken to these caretakers and accepted them.  It has been a blessing to not have him combative or give them a hard time.